


Only After Disaster Can We Be Resurrected

by chase_acow



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Cage Fights, Collars, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Slavery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-06-26
Updated: 2008-06-26
Packaged: 2017-10-22 11:08:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 40,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/237403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chase_acow/pseuds/chase_acow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared's life gets turned upside down when he rescues and befriends a man from a seedy underground fighting ring. Friendship turns to lust, turns to, well, he's not quite sure, but he does know that Jensen has become the most important thing in his recently upturned life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only After Disaster Can We Be Resurrected

  
  


 

Jared never could say 'no' to Sandy. She wanted the uber trendy two-story studio apartment, so he put down the deposit and moved away from their modest suburban spread. The dog hair made her eyes water, even if she only remembered to sneeze half the time, and so off Sadie and Harley went to his sister's house. Sandy wanted the life of high-class famous elite, well, he was happy enough to hang off her arm and smile for the cameras at whatever party they were gracing.

He was just grateful that she'd forgotten all about the idea to get his bellybutton pierced, because he didn't really do pain very well.

Jared Padalecki, Texan out of the San Antonio was an up and coming Hollywood heartthrob. His office, the only room Sandy refused to enter, was full of scripts, quirky with heartfelt stories of humanity, that between them, Sandy and his agent, Mike, refused to let him accept. Instead, he was the romantic lead, action hero, and trilogy star - not the addict who falls in love, military deserter looking for a home, or public leader struggling with his sexuality. His movies made millions, and really, he should have been happy with that.

He carried the world in the palm of his not insubstantial hand, it was just too bad that he was wrapped around Sandy's little finger.

"Where are we going again?" Jared asked, his leg bouncing with pent up energy as he looked through the limousine window. Outside a dark neighborhood passed and in his imagination, his face reflected in each empty warehouse window. "Are you sure the address is right?"

Sandy shot him a disinterested glare, and sipped at her flute of champagne. Delicately, she flicked out her tongue to catch the last drop on her full bottom lip and reached out to lay her hand on Jared's thigh. "It's a surprise sweetie. Mikey thinks you're going to love it," she said, scratching her manicured nails up the inseam of his designer jeans. She smiled, enough to prove that it was an actual expression but not enough to wrinkle her smooth skin.

"There's not even any streetlights anymore," he said letting the back of his hand rest on the cool window. He didn't know much about LA, but even he knew that it was best to stay out of the dark.

'Mikey' was his agent, Michael Rosenbaum, and Jared owed his entire success to the early roles Mike found for him. Recently though, they weren't even in the same book, let alone on the same page. Though Jared very much doubted that if Mike even knew how to read, he would willing choose to do so. Mike had been the only one to return his phone calls when he was first starting out, and never let Jared forget it.

Jared leaned over and wrapped his arm around Sandy's bare shoulder. "I still think we could have just curled up on the couch with a bucket of popcorn," he said, gently toying with the edge of Sandy's dress so that the soft fringe of silk slid down his knuckle. He loved Sandy more than he'd ever loved anybody else; he loved it when she was happy. "I think we should try to spend more time together."

"Staying at home is so boring. If I wanted to stay at home, I wouldn't spend so much time trying to look good," Sandy said, sitting up in the seat away from Jared to reach for the bottle to top off her glass. "Besides, we spend almost every day together. It's getting a little stale, don't you think? The same people, places, and parties?"

"How about we get out of here then?" Jared asked, feeling his belly jump up in his throat despite the smooth ride of the car. He felt hope clawing at his chest, dangling clean air and endless blue skies in front of his eyes. "Let's go back to Texas. We could go get ice cream from that kiosk in the mall where we met."

They'd been high school sweethearts, and gone to college together. Even back then, he'd followed her to A&M when UT had offered him the better scholarship. He'd gone to an audition on a dare, and snagged the role of sidekick in a summer blockbuster from a group of thousands. He let Sandy talk him into dropping out of school and moving out to LA to pursue another acting gig. It wasn't quite the overnight success that the media liked to spin, but it was definitely a dream story.

"I'm going to pretend that you didn't suggest that," Sandy said coolly, arching one artfully teased eyebrow at him. She had dived into the glam and glitter of Hollywood like she'd lived her whole life there, spending much more than she'd made acting in a couple of commercials and didn't care that he got stuck with the bill. He didn't really mind either; he would have given her anything. The limo stopped and her entire face lit up as she turned and laid a hand on Jared's chest. "We're here! You're going to love it!"

She waited until the driver walked back and opened the door, holding out her hand so that he could help her out. Jared huffed a small sigh and downed her nearly full glass of champagne, wished it was something stronger, and followed her out into the late night. He doubted that she knew who he was anymore, if she even cared. He'd like to bring up couples' therapy if he wasn't so sure that she'd laugh in his face.

There were people on the street now. Women wore slinky evening dresses and their men strutted around in everything from tuxes to the latest just rolled out of bed fashion. They were shiny happy people wandering through life. However, the background was even worse than what he'd seen driving up; this was definitely the kind of neighborhood his mama warned him about. A single streetlight shone a block away, drawing them all in like moths to a flame.

"Jared! Keep up!" Sandy yelled over her shoulder, even as she took long strides away from him. She held her hand out behind her, carelessly as if she didn't really care if he managed to take it or not.

The limo driver offered him a grimace in masculine solidarity but nodded politely when Jared slipped a fifty into his pocket. "I'll stay close, sir," he said in a clipped, and if Jared wasn't mistaken, fake British accent. "Just call whenever you require me."

Jared nodded, and then jogged to catch up with Sandy and her still outstretched hand. He laced their fingers together and settled into her stride, tugging his jacket into place. He brought their hands up to his mouth and brushed his lips over her knuckles, smiling, glad that he got to spend the evening with the love of his life.

"Jared, you know I hate it when you revert back to small town hick," Sandy said, pulling her hand away and wiping the back of it off on the side of her dress. "Would it kill you to act a little more 'A-list'?"

"You mean like an asshole, don't you?" Jared muttered, but vowed to remember to keep his hands to himself if she didn't like it. He shoved his hands deep inside his hip pockets, and followed just a half step behind her as she led them after everyone else.

He recognized some people from parties, and others from their work in the industry, but he didn't have the first clue who some of the people were. Their voices, too bright and too loud, laughed and sneered at each other, grating on Jared's nerves and making him wish for the quiet of a Texas summer night. He ran a hand through his hair, tugging the ends up and over his collar as they went into a dirty and dark lobby.

Three large bouncers stood on a slight platform in the middle of the room watching as the crowd passed by them. There were all heavily muscled if not quite as tall as Jared, and the middle one, fiercely Latino with tattoos covering every inch of visible flesh glared at him as he passed. Jared shuffled a little over the gritty floor, and stuck close to Sandy's side. His nerves ratcheted up another degree when he noticed the very unsubtle bulges of concealed weapons under their jackets.

He couldn't see anyone giving directions, but the crowd seemed to know where they were going easy enough, and he and Sandy slotted right in the middle of them. Sandy looked back once, her eyes shining with excitement that was seldom sent his way anymore. He grinned back and tried to stomp down on the trepidation that was rolling in his guts. He had a really bad feeling about what he was going to find deeper inside the abandoned looking building.

"Hey, Padalecki! Never thought I'd see you around here."

A hand came down hard on his shoulder, stopping him and spinning him around to face the shit-eating grin of his latest costar. Chad Michael Murray standing there in his signature black ensemble was just about the last thing that he wanted to see. Jared was always polite, but Chad was one of those guys who would try even the patience of a saint.

"Hey, man," Jared held out his hand, hiding his distaste as Chad squeezed the handshake as hard as he could. "How's it going?"

"So, so," Chad answered, curling his mouth into a lopsided grin as he reached out and wrapped his arm around the neck of the young woman standing beside him. His elbow hooked her so that his hand hung down brushing over her ample chest. "My girl here wanted to come, gets her so hot. Wet, you know?"

"Yeah, sure," Jared agreed even though he was more confused than ever. He really wished he would have put his foot down and demanded that Sandy tell him where they were going. Better yet, that they were at home watching movies queued up from Netflix. Lifting his head, he realized that she hadn't even turned around when he stopped. "Yeah, Sandy…."

Chad brayed laughter and slapped him hard on the upper arm. "Should have figured your chick would be into this shit. Dirty," he said, winking as if they were sharing a joke. Chad always had been overly personal with everyone he came in contact with. "Course, a girl like that probably doesn't need that much to get her engine revving, you horn dog."

"Right," Jared drawled, trying not to think very hard about just what a downturn their sex life had taken in the recent months. When he was working, he was usually too tired to do much more than collapse at the end of the day, and when he wasn't working, Sandy always seemed to be on the move. Sure, there were quickies and other desperate sex, but lately, he got the feeling that it was something she felt she had to do, not necessarily anything she wanted to do. "Listen, I'd better go catch up with her."

He didn't wait for Chad to give an answer, just turned and started pushing through the crowd to where he saw Sandy disappear. The deeper they got into the building, the better its upkeep. The floor was clean and the walls, highlighted with fluorescent paint were lit with black lights. His white shirt glowed bright in the gloom as the crowd pushed him through the narrow hallway. He felt like he was in the middle of a herd of cattle shuffling down the chute toward the slaughterhouse.

A low beat of music strummed through the floor, vibrating through his chest. The air was hot and still except for the currents following the bodies that lifted the hair from the back of his neck. Around another corner, strobe lights started flashing from every direction and spotlights flashed red and blue across the crowd. The music was getting louder, and between that and the crowd noise echoing in such a small place, Jared's ears were ringing.

Thankfully - finally, another turn in the hallway led to a larger room, dissipating the noise and giving him room to breathe. He found himself in an auditorium, with steps linking various levels that angled down toward a large clear area in the center. On the highest levels were elegant tables, four long bars filled up the middle, and at the bottom, people mingled and drifted into and away from the railing separating them from the middle before settling at smaller tables. There were many more people than had just come in with him, and Jared had to stumble to a stop just to take in the scope of the place.

"Jared! Babe! There you are," Mike's voice cut through the din seconds before he stepped out of the parted crowd. His suit was impeccable, tailored to fit him like a second skin and his purple shirt shimmered in the light. He had his sunglasses sitting on the top of his head even though the sun had long since set. "Come on, I've got Sandy set up with a ringside seat."

"Jesus, Mike," Jared gaped as a pair of scantily clad waitresses edged passed him. They made sure to rub along his body far more than was necessary, and they were the next best thing to topless. Jared watched amazed as one of them let a sleazy looking guy put their mouth to her nipple before tucking a twenty into the back of her short shorts. He blushed, hot enough to make sweat break out on the back of his neck and quickly turned away. "What is this place?"

"Paradise, Jay! Welcome to paradise," Mike flashed an expensive grin his way and started nudging him with a hand to Jared's back. He gestured expansively at the crowd and started forward, "Let's go, we want to be in our seats before it starts. Things start to get a little rough after that."

Just then, a fight broke out at the bar closest to them; two hot heads who looked like they'd already had too much to drink were tugging on the same serving girl. She easily ducked out from between them and stood to the side, cheering with the other patrons while the two men started to beat the shit out of each other. After a moment, one of the bouncers from the entrance, a man whose neck was as thick as Jared's thigh, waded in and busted both the fighters' head together until their noses bloomed in a scarlet mess. They were hauled out and within seconds the empty places at the bar were instantly filled with others looking for a drink.

"Rougher than this?" Jared asked, his eyes wide as he glanced up to some of the premium placed tables and caught sight of the richest of the rich and famous sect of Hollywood. He wasn't used to this sort of party; he hadn't even drunk alcohol until his twenty-first birthday. Now he went with Sandy sure, but they'd never been to a place where he could count more visible felonies than he had fingers on his hands.

Mike just laughed and pushed harder until Jared hesitantly started moving. After climbing down the stairs and throwing a few elbows to get through the crowd, he caught sight of Sandy sitting primly on a barstool. She angled to have a close up view of whatever was going to happen in the middle pit of the room. She twirled a stirring stick between her long fingers and watched him approach with a predatory gleam in her eyes.

"Isn't this amazing?" she asked breathlessly before he even had a chance to sit down. She was more animated than he'd seen her in the entire last week, giggling as Mike reached over to kiss her on the cheek before he took the far chair.

"It's definitely something," Jared said under his breath as he shook his head at a waitress offering him a drink and a look down her shirt. He had a feeling he'd be burning all his clothes and showering for a whole day before he'd feel clean again. "Jesus, how did you even find this place?"

"Don't be such a prude Jared," Sandy said sharply, glaring at him before she turned a much more pleasant eye to Mike. All her sharp angles melted in an instant as her spine loosened to lean against Mike's shoulder. "Mikey here gave us very hard to get invitation, so don't be ungrateful."

Every light in the room blinked out at once, saving him from having to reply and instantly a roar went up from the crowd that once again threatened to deafen him. Jared held on to the edge of the table with a tight grip, and rocked as the ground below him trembled hard enough to make the table move. Color and light exploded as spotlights flashed on and off, streaking across the cavernous room with enough speed to give him motion sickness.

"Ladies and gentlemen," a low male voice announced, cutting through the music and shouting by dint of overwhelming volume. "Please welcome your host, the one and only, Thomas Welling!"

Jared wanted to duck under the table when the patrons started a pounding rhythm of fist to table, chanting and pumping the air before the cadence began again. Through the disorienting lights, he managed to look over and see that Sandy was in the thick of it, beating the table and shaking her fist through the air with the rest. It was hard to even swallow, his head felt full of cotton, and he couldn't string together two coherent thoughts.

As suddenly as the flood lights turned off, they came back up, and with them, the absolute silence of the crowd. The immediate quiet felt as painful as the earlier noise, and it took Jared a couple of seconds to locate the man standing in the middle of the cleared area. He was probably about Jared's height and as broad across the shoulder, but he looked older, filled out while Jared was still gaining mass.

"Bitches and bastards!" Welling yelled, throwing one arm up and spinning in a circle to address the entire room. His smile was all-American mixed with boy next door, but his hard eyes were enough to make sure that Jared would never mistake him for a good ole boy. The crowd cheered his opening gambit, and he waited until the noise died down to continue, "Welcome to the fight of your life!"

His voice was still echoing when the platform he was standing on grinded into motion, retracting off to the sides and unfortunately bringing Welling closer to Jared's table. Heavy rock music pounded through the stereo system, but not as loud as before and normal conversation started up again. One by one, screens flared to life along the walls and hanging suspended from the railing; three different views of Thomas Welling smiled from dozens of televisions.

"All right, you sorry excuses for human beings," Welling said, soaking up the attention of everyone in the room as if it were sunlight. He played the crowd like an expert, pausing for reaction and keeping his eyes moving as if he was meeting everyone's gaze individually. "You know why you're here tonight!"

The crowd cheered and the floor finished retracting, leaving Welling posed artfully against the railing right in front of Sandy's chair and obstructing Jared's view of the recess that had just opened up. He leaned out to the side, craning his neck to see and completely missed Welling's shifting attention until he heard the voice in plain conversation instead of amplified.

"First time here, sweetheart?" Welling asked, holding his microphone down and leaning closer so that even Jared could smell the expensive spice of his aftershave. His longish dark hair stayed styled in a way that Jared's never did unless there was a platoon of makeup artists molding it just so during every break in filming. He completely ignored Jared's presence.

Jared pretty much hated everything about _Thomas_ Welling.

Sandy giggled, an honest to God giggle like she hadn't since the first year they'd moved out to California. Demurely, she put a hand up to her mouth, but smiled wide enough to show her perfect gleaming white teeth. "Yes," she answered, pushing her shoulders forward so that her dress dipped between her breasts. "You have a lovely establishment."

"I thought I smelled a virgin," Welling drawled, letting his eyes drop from Sandy's face to her chest. He reached in, rubbed his knuckle across her cheekbone, and held her eyes. "Darlin' you let me know if there's anything I can do to make your night more memorable. _Anything_ , at all."

Jared definitely hated that guy.

Before he could do much more than glower, though, Welling turned back to the cameras and flashed another big grin. "Tonight's first entertainment is something you're going to remember for the rest of your life!" he said, walking along the edge of pit until he stopped to speak quietly with another table.

"What have you gotten us into?" Jared hissed reaching across the table to snap his fingers in front of Sandy so she would look away from Welling's retreating backside. He could see the next morning's newspaper, close ups of his face as the police led him away from a raided warehouse in the bad part of town. So far, he and his paparazzi were on friendly terms, but he still had nightmares of them turning on him and publishing photos of him sitting on the pot in the bathroom reading Cosmo.

Sandy turned around and rolled her eyes at him, taking another drink from her new glass of electric blue liquid. Jared narrowed his eyes at the swirls of color rising from the bottom and asked, "Do you even know what's in that?"

"Tonight's first match up is a crowd pleasing Last Man Standing bout. For those you who might be new," Welling said, turning and flashing Sandy a glimpse of his million-watt smile before he continued, "this is one of the bloodiest, most brutal of our events. Believe me, no one comes out of that pit without a sacrifice of blood!"

The crowd cheered again, and Sandy cooed, leaning over to whisper something in Mike's ear. Jared felt nauseous, his stomach tied itself in knots as he completely ignored whatever Welling was saying and leaned over to get a better look at the pit in front of him. It was dingy concrete walls, cragged and broken in places, with great smears of dark brown splashed at irregular intervals. There was probably eight-foot drop between where Jared was sitting and the floor of the pit, but it was wide around, maybe a twenty-yard diameter.

"Grab your wallets, and prepare to place your bets, because the odds don't get much better than this," Welling continued, winking for the camera. "One of my favorite fighters, the natural born killer Jensen, who has already racked up quite the body count, will take on the up and coming phenom the Animal!"

"What the hell?" Jared asked, his voice lost among the sudden riot of people shouting odds and making bets. He looked over to see that Mike was speaking intently to a serving girl and slipping a large roll of cash into her hand. "There's no way that anything happening under this roof is legal!"

Sandy glared at him and actually reached over to dig her nails into his thighs. "Jared, listen to me very closely," she said with alarming focus that she seldom found for anything except smiling for the paparazzi and shopping. "This is not a place to make waves. I guarantee you that there are cameras everywhere, and people have gone missing from saying less than what you just did. Believe me, you won't take me down with you!"

Stunned, Jared's eyes whipped open and he jerked back on his seat, taking him out of range of Sandy's claws. He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and chewed gently on one corner looking away. He managed to spot the extra cameras, the ones _not_ linked to the TVs as well as the extra beefy security that he hadn't seen before. He curled his hand over his knee and wished he would have listened when Mike tried to insist that he hire a bodyguard. He was a good sized guy, but he'd never been in a fight in his life, and he doubted if the stunt fighting that he'd learned for the movies would do him much good against the people here.

"Ladies and gentlemen, and you know that I use the terms _very_ loosely," Welling laughed into his microphone, and finally stepped through the only break in the railing. He pointed to the bottom of the pit, and the cameras followed his gesture showing a solid metal door that Jared couldn't actually see from his vantage point. "Finish up your betting because in fifteen seconds, bedlam comes to town."

The door opened and a man stepped out lightly, bouncing on the balls of his feet and holding his head up high. He was wearing a white tank top, a loose pair of track pants and a set of sneakers. He strode into the middle of the pit, seemingly ignoring the chaos reigning down on him as he stretched and continued moving. The cameras zoomed in tightly to the fighter's face, an odd mix of light and shadow splashed across his features. From the momentary view, Jared could make out a sprinkling of freckles over creamy pale skin, and bright green eyes under a fringe of dark hair.

"Wow, he is a handsome one," Sandy said, watching the large screen opposite them. Her eyes were steadily glazing over, and Jared could tell that her movements were languid. Whatever was in her drink was strong and it was finally hitting home.

Mike raised an eyebrow and took a sip of his drink, "You won't be thinking that when his blood is splattered all over the wall. I've seen the Animal fight before that is one huge fucking beast. I'm amazed that they're able to keep him tame at all. I've heard some weird fucking stories about how Welling manages to fly under the radar. I've heard that politicians up to former presidents have been here to watch. Now, if that's not a trip, I don't know what is."

Jared tried to ignore the two of them, focusing his attention on the man standing in the center of the pit. Jensen was well built, muscles bunching and twisting across his shoulders and chest, but not in a way that made Jared think steroids. Just someone who took care of himself and was naturally attractive. He took a deep breath and bowed his head, standing more still than anything that Jared had ever seen before. He didn't even sway the slightest bit when the monster of a man he was to fight jumped down into the pit to face him.

The Animal was a mountain, easily outweighing Jensen, and towering over him even without taking the foot tall mohawk into consideration. Tattoos obscured most of his face and he flexed and crowed, playing to the crowd as much as Jensen tried to ignore them. Jared shuddered as the man roared into the camera and he got a much closer look at the man's tonsils than he would ever want. Veins stood out away from the skin of his hands to his neck, and spit frothed up from the corners of his mouth.

After a few more encouragements from Welling that Jared completely ignored, the two fighters squared off on opposite sides of the pit, sizing each other up for several long moments. Jensen waited patiently until the Animal lunged at him, and then sidestepped at the last moment, pushing his palms out to deflect the other man into the wall. He had bounced back to the other side of the pit before Animal had even crashed into the side and turned around. That seemed to be his style, striking and ducking away before he took any bad blows. Eventually though, his luck ran out and Animal landed a hard punch to Jensen's stomach that made Jared's belly ache in sympathy.

For the next hour, Jared watched in horrified fascination, the bloodiest combat that he'd ever seen outside one of Hollywood's not so historical, historical war movies. It raged back and forth, as the crowd alternatively cheered and booed, but in the end, Jensen struggled to his feet, torso painted with blood and pants in tatters around his knees. He raised one fist to the roaring crowd, gasping for breath and let himself be led back through the door in the pit and out of sight.

Sandy turned, flushed and high from either the fight or the liquor she'd consumed and clutched Jared's forearm tightly. "That was the most exciting thing I've ever seen!" she said, her voice breathy, reminding him of their old days together when they could spend an entire morning in bed. "Now aren't you glad I didn't let you chain us to the couch?"

She turned back around without waiting for him to reply, and completely missed his utter disgust.

***  
  
****

 

Almost a month later, and Jared still couldn't get the fight out of his mind. He had stormed out immediately after that first fight, not able to even find the words to tell Sandy how sick the whole place was and didn't care who saw what. They didn't speak more than a couple dozen words to each other in a day, and he hadn't touched her since. If he thought she had been petulant before, that was nothing compared to her new ways of taking out her displeasure on him.

More than that, he couldn't forget the fighter, Jensen. That man had possessed a grace that Jared had never seen before, and the thought of him stuck in that hellish place made him nauseous. He didn't even like going to the zoo to watch animals that should have been free pinned up in cages. He was even having a hard time reading through his scripts looking for his next job. It might have been that they were all mind-numbingly similar and he was still burnt out from working steadily for the last three years, but he couldn't even concentrate for half an hour any more.

Keeping people like Jensen and making them fight wasn't right.

"Jared," Sandy whined, finally fed up with giving him the silent treatment. "We haven't been out in ages; people will forget what you look like soon. We'll never get invited to the good parties again."

"If you want to go out, then go," Jared answered, not bothering to lift his head from the back of the couch where he was mindlessly watching Sportscenter. He'd finished promoting his last movie a week before and since then hadn't changed out of his sweats except to go to the grocery store the day before. "No one's stopping you."

Changing tracks, Sandy came around the couch and straddled Jared's legs, wrapping her arms around his neck and bending low to kiss up his neck and tug on his earlobe with her teeth. "Please, Jared?" she asked softy, breath tickling over his skin. "That guy from Transformers and Indian Jones has been on the cover of People twice since Sunday."

Jared scoffed, twisting so that he could see the screen behind her head, "Yeah for getting arrested for a DUI and being too stupid to cooperate with the cops. That's the kind of stunt you want me to pull?"

"They say any press is good press," Sandy continued, wiggling around in his lap, totally oblivious to his disinterest.

Rolling his eyes, Jared flicked the volume up so he could hear what the announcers were saying about the Spurs. He really needed to get tickets next time they were playing in town. "Who said that?" he asked, and altered his voice to mock her normal tone, "Mikey?"

"Mike's a very intelligent man and a good agent. He says if you don't do something soon, your career's going to tank. Do you really want to go back to being a poor nobody?"

"He said that, did he?" Jared asked, and in a split second made up his mind. "What do you think a break up would do? I'm sure the media would feel very sorry for me, not knowing what to do with myself after being in such a high maintenance relationship for so long."

"What are you talking about?" Sandy asked sharply, sitting straight up and taking her hands off him. She glared down her nose and curled her hands into fists, "Maybe you need to rethink what you're saying."

Jared looked up, and surprised himself that he didn't really feel anything like what he thought he would if Sandy ever left him. Instead, he just felt a sick kind of relief. "We're done Sandy," he said, sighing and muting the TV. "You can keep the joint bank account, but I want you out by tomorrow."

"You'll pay for this," Sandy snarled, telling him more than he'd known before in the way she didn't even try to talk to him or work things out. She probably could have gotten him to take it back even then, if she had just tried and acted like the human being he'd fallen in love with again. He'd forgiven her for much worse already. "You can't just toss me aside on a whim. _I_ say when we're done, not you."

"Yeah, well, that's all I ever seem to do, pay for your debts so at least it won't be anything new," he muttered, picking her up around the midsection and dropping her on the couch as he stood up. "You can drag me through the mud if you want to, but I'm finished being your whipping boy."

He walked into his office and shut the door behind him, twisting the lock just to make a point to himself and turned on the tiny twelve-inch television he kept there before he dropped into the ratty loveseat he'd kept from his very first apartment out of college. By the time he came out for dinner, Sandy, and nearly everything valuable that was smaller than a breadbox, was gone.

After that first match, he had stormed out and called his driver to get him. On the way, he'd felt the stares of security watching his every step, and hadn't managed to work out the kink between his shoulder blades until the car was miles away. He asked, and Mike told him how the fighters were kept, and how sometimes, with enough money greasing the wheels, people could meet them.

 

****

 

Three flights of stairs down below the grungy warehouse floor, Jared knew that he'd made a mistake. He could hardly breathe and his palms kept sweating as he followed close behind the man assigned to lead him down to Jensen's room. There hadn't been much small talk after the man had gotten his orders from a walkie-talkie, just taken one look at Jared and grinned, gesturing for him to follow as he navigated the labyrinth like building. His tuneless whistle echoed off the bare walls, and sent a chill up Jared's spine.

The man came to a stop, nodded to the door in front of them and then stepped back. Jared took a deep breath and wiped his hands on the top of his thighs. He could almost feel the concrete walls pressing into him, and couldn't believe that people actually lived down there without going crazy. Right then, he would have done just about anything to be able to open a window and catch a breath of fresh air. Maybe Jensen had already gone crazy, and Jared would be able to get whatever it was bothering him out of his system.

Taking a deep breath to get rid of his jitters, Jared pushed the door open and cautiously stepped inside. Fluorescent lighting hung from a bracket in the middle of the room that if anything, showed too much in harsh reality. The walls were pitted and bare making a space that was actually smaller than Sandy's closet in their home and much more empty. In fact, there was only a set of free weights in various sizes, a cot, and the fighter himself.

Close up, Jensen was even more attractive than Jared's slight memory had painted him to be. Although he was several inches shorter than Jared, he was made from hard muscle and long lines. His short brown hair stood up, angled away from his forehead and looked reasonably clean. The strength of his jaw and clear color to his eyes hit Jared with the force of a ton of breaks.

The black leather collar that tightly hugged the tendons of his neck was hard to miss too.

Jensen had straightened at the grating noise of the door opening, but he relaxed when only Jared stepped through and pushed the door shut behind him. It was almost cold in the room, that far underground, and Jared shivered in his jacket wondering how Jensen looked so comfortable in his single layer of clothing and without any socks on. There wasn't even anything to cushion his feet from the cement. Only a single blanket was folded at the bottom of the cot.

"Um," Jared didn't know exactly how to begin, didn't even really know why he was there, except that he couldn't _not_ have tried to find and speak to Jensen. He cleared his throat and said the first thing that popped into his head. "Hi, my name is Jared."

He held out his hand into the space between them, trying not to flinch at the way Jensen casually raked his gaze up and down Jared's body. He should have been used to people judging him based on the way he looked; it happened every time he stepped outside his house, but he never got comfortable with it. Eventually, he pulled his hand back and shoved it in his pocket, coughing a little wondering whether he could be any more awkward if he tried. His people skills never were the best, his early interviews still made him shudder.

"Back or belly?"

"What?" Jared asked quickly, startled realizing that he had just been staring at the other man for at least a full minute. There was just something that drew him to Jensen in a way that he'd never felt before. He was drowning on dry land, completely floundering, and he wished he would have thought ahead and decided on what to say.

"How do you want me?" Jensen said, honey dripping from his lips as he curled one shoulder up in an exaggerated pose with his legs apart. One corner of his mouth tipped up in mocking grin, and he reached out to run his hand down Jared's chest. "On my back or on my belly?"

"Oh, _oh_ ," Jared repeated, probably flushing bright red when he realized just what Jensen was implying. Jensen's hand was hot over his ribs, and without conscious thought, he felt himself leaning into the contact, "Neither. I don't, that's not…"

"On my knees then," Jensen nodded to himself and bent over at the waist to lay a hand on the floor to balance himself as he folded his body down. Both knees cracked as he bent, and he winced tight enough to etch the crow's feet deep into the skin beside his eyes. "I'll have to do it quick though, I messed up my right one a couple weeks back and it cramps up now."

Horrified and embarrassed, Jared stepped back from Jensen's outstretched hands, shaking his head hard enough to send his hair flying around his head. "No," he insisted, unbelieving that there were people in the world not satisfied with making Jensen fight for his life but made him their whore too.

Gracefully, if slowly, Jensen stood up, cocked his hip out and looked up at Jared through his eyelashes. "Look, I don't really mind," he said, letting his voice drop lower and making the words a gravelly promise. "You're happy, then the boss is happy. He's happy and maybe I get an extra burrito for dinner. Then I'm happy."

"I have to go," Jared sputtered quickly shocked at how the situation had spun completely out of control. It was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong, but Jensen knew how to fight, and he also knew how to use his body to elicit the sexual response he thought he wanted. Jared could feel heat racing down his chest and pooling at the bottom of his stomach. He backpedaled, sneakers sliding on the dusty floor as he kept Jensen in his line of sight. "I'm sorry."

Jensen shrugged his shoulders, but when he pulled away, Jared could tell that his posture was stiff bordering to anger. He turned quickly and threw his hand up in the air, and said over his shoulder, "Fine, your loss, buddy."

The urge to say something incredibly inane like, 'It's not you, it's me.' was overwhelming, but somehow Jared kept his jaw locked over the words as he watched Jensen sink down onto his small cot. His thin t-shirt stretched tight over his shoulders, and Jared could see the bumps of bandages crisscrossing underneath. Jared's heart lurched as Jensen curled up into himself, ignoring Jared's continued presence entirely. He stepped out of the tiny cell and was slapped in the face by the flunky's smirk.

"Finished already?" the man asked, kicking off the back wall and gesturing for Jared to follow him back up the hallway. "Usually Jensen's better than that, must be a bad day. I remember one time this guy had Jensen howling for almost an hour. Got so high at one point only the other dogs around here could hear it."

Jared had the back of the goon's jacket in his hand before he quite knew what he was doing and slammed the man back into the wall, pinning him into place with a forearm across his throat. He crowded in close, snarling and angrier than he could ever remember being before in his life. "First, you're going to shut your mouth," he growled, low and as dangerous as he could, channeling one of the characters he'd played years ago. "Second, you're going to take me to your boss."

When Jared let him go, the man glared reaching up to rub at his throat with his hand. Jared raised both eyebrows expectantly and finally the goon pushed off the wall again, taking off down the hallway without looking over his shoulder to see if Jared was following. He took a moment to center himself, holding up his shaking hands to his face until he could get them under control and then quickly went to catch up. Generally, he liked adlibbing, but never before had he been under so much pressure. Lives literally hung in the balance, his own included.

It took twenty minutes of winding up staircases and down hallways, the décor getting steadily more expensive the further they went from the fighter's cells, before he found himself in Welling's office. Jared had used the time to plan his strategy and get his game face on. He could deal with rich assholes; it was a necessary survival skill in his line of work. All he had to do was pretend to be the richest, biggest asshole of them all.

"So, Mr. Padalecki, I understand that you wanted to talk to me," Welling said, sitting behind his big modern desk silhouetted in front of a floor to ceiling window. He was dressed in a smartly tailored business suit, and looked as at home surrounded by files and memos as he had egging on a near fight to the death.

Jared crossed the room in measured strides and sat down in the chair directly across from the desk. It was cushy, made to make sure that the person sitting there would be lower than Welling, so Jared tried to use it to his advantage, slouching back and loosely crossing one leg over the other, and pretended to be bored with the whole setup.

"Well," Welling said after he grew tired of waiting for Jared to speak. "What's on your mind?"

"I recently had the," Jared paused, searching his mind for the word he wanted to use. He knew from both Texas and Los Angeles politics that there was a certain etiquette that these situations demanded, " _experience_ of attending one of your events. One of your fighters caught my eye."

Welling smiled, shark like and insincere, bringing his fingers up to a point underneath his chin as he settled deeper into his chair. "I understand that you made an appointment to go see Jensen this morning," he said, suggestive in his tone. "I hope that you found your visit satisfactory."

Slowly, Jared sat up straighter, put both feet on the ground and leaned in to catch Welling's eye, and said, "In fact, it was extremely _un_ satisfactory."

"I'm terribly sorry to hear that."

"I'm sure you are," Jared shot back, letting his own lips draw back into what was probably slightly more a snarl than a smile. "However, I'd like his company again, but on my own terms, and my own time."

Standing, Welling casually tucked his hands behind his back and turned around to face the window and look out at the gorgeous scene he enjoyed, while Jensen was stuck with a two-toned view. "I acquired Jensen nearly eight years ago from a man who trained him for ten years into the machine you met today," Welling said conversationally, moving around the front of the desk and sitting. "I have several resources sunk into him; he's very dear to me."

"I'm sure he is. I want to buy his contract," Jared said, proud that he voice didn't shake despite the tremors that threatened to rack his body. If only the casting directors could see him now, he'd be set, playing mob bosses, tough guys, and psycho cops for the rest of his career. "I don't care about the expense."

"What sort of time frame are you looking at?" Welling asked.

Jared stood, putting him at eye level with Welling who hastily straightened from his backward slouch. "Indefinitely, with all future claims signed over to my estate," Jared answered, counting his rapidly beating heartbeats in an attempt to calm himself.

"I think that can be arranged," Welling said slowly and then walked around Jared to the door and had a hasty conversation with someone on the other side. He turned back around, a sharp look in his eyes, and Jared could almost see the cartoon style dollar signs in his pupils, "I've sent for Jensen, he should be here by the time we finish our business."

"Good," Jared nodded, sitting back in the chair with deceptive ease. His investment bankers were going to rip him a new one when they found out how much he had shuffled his funds around without their advice, but that was at the bottom on the list of everything he had to worry about.

They had barely finished ironing out the details when the door opened and Jensen was summarily pushed through. Jared looked up in surprise as Jensen instantly went from proud warrior to obedient servant the moment he caught sight of Welling. He dropped to his knees, ignoring what he'd said earlier to be a painful injury, and bowed his head. The back of his neck looked vulnerable as his pale skin contrasted with the dark leather collar.

"Jensen," Welling said, ignoring Jared so that he could walk to Jensen and bend to span his hand across the kneeling man's shoulder blades. "You're not going to believe it, but the strangest thing happened today."

Jensen trembled so slightly that Jared would have missed it if he hadn't had his eyes trained on Jensen's hands. Something in him ached to see that though Jensen would happily battle for his life without batting an eyelash, just a single touch from Welling would unnerve him. He looked so small there on the floor, huddled into himself, and a new rage filtered through Jared's veins.

"You have a new master now, Jensen," Welling continued, trailing his fingers up into Jensen's hair. "Isn't that exciting? Look who it is."

Slowly, Jensen raised his eyes and turned his head until he saw Jared standing awkwardly by Welling's desk where he had stayed, half bent over signing documents. Their gazes met and Jared could read more than just confusion in Jensen's eyes, he also saw anger, resignation, and maybe a touch of fear.

He had to clear his throat before he could croak out a brief greeting, "Hey, Jensen."

"You're going to behave now aren't you?" Welling asked, stepping around Jensen to collect the signed papers on his desk and briefly scan them. "Not going to make me regret letting you out of my sight, are you?"

A tiny corner of tongue slipped out to wet Jensen's lips before he ducked his head and spoke clearly though softy, "No, sir. You won't regret it."

"Good boy," Welling answered smugly, looking over the last of the papers and turning to Jared, "I'd keep the collar on if I were you. It reminds him not to bite the hand that feeds him. You could walk right up to him and shove a screwdriver in his eye and he wouldn't lift a hand against you."

"Wow, that's really kinda creepy," Jared replied, letting his eyes skate over Welling as he turned for the door. "Have a courier bring copies to my building. As soon as they're notarized I'll send the rest of the payment. Jensen, let's go."

Knowing that he needed to get out of that office as soon as possible, Jared turned and only hesitated a moment to give Jensen time to scramble to his feet and follow him out the door. He hated acting so nonchalant, as there was nothing natural about the situation. Welling's hired muscle was still standing in the hallway sulking, the murder in his eyes as clear as the angry bruising slash across his throat. Jared tipped half of his mouth up and nodded on his way down the hall.

He made it until the lobby before his carefully crafted persona went up in smoke, and he had to duck into a small alcove to start hyperventilating. "Oh my God," he gasped, breath hitching as adrenaline caught up with him and his chest constricted painfully. He'd never been the kind of guy to take big chances. He'd never even had a broken bone until a stunt gone wrong a couple years ago had broken his wrist. "Oh my God, oh my God, _ohmygod_."

He scrubbed his hands over his face, heard the scratching sounds as the soft skin on his palms caught over his two-day stubble and tried to concentrate on the texture to distract him. He yanked on the end of his curls, skewing his stocking cap back off his forehead, while he tried to convince himself to stop acting like a hamster on crack spinning in his wheel. His muscles where still tight with fear and excitement, so when Jensen touched him, it was pure luck that he didn't jump right out of his skin.

"Excuse me, sir" Jensen said, his dry voice filling up the small space while he tentatively put his hand back on Jared's shoulder. "I was just wondering if you're insane, or just 'special'." His tone made his implication very clear, even if he wasn't willing to come out and say that he thought his new owner was retarded.

"On a good day, a little bit of both," Jared answered, finally getting control of himself. If he didn't just suck it up and get going, they'd never make it home without more trouble than he could handle. Welling was just one in half a dozen potential hazards that could make him rue the day he was born. He straightened his hat and tugged his jacket back into place, fishing his sunglasses out to carefully settle them over his nose. "All right, let's go."

They almost had made it to the door when another thought suddenly occurred to Jared, making him stop in his tracks so that Jensen bumped into the back of him. Jared turned around and caught Jensen's scowl before he managed to school his expression into polite blankness. Jensen looked pretty normal, he had a few scars over his face and hands, but really, they only added to his rugged attractiveness. Even the plain black t-shirt and slightly baggy jeans were common enough.

He'd turn heads no matter where he went. Unfortunately, those turned heads would see the collar, and maybe ask questions that neither of them could answer.

"Here," Jared said, slipping his jacket off his shoulders and holding it out to Jensen. "Put this on."

Jensen gave him a doubtful look, but did as Jared asked, letting the jacket engulf his slightly smaller frame. The sleeves went down almost to his knuckles, and nearly covered his shirt without even being buttoned up. Jared reached out carefully, watching Jensen watch his hands, and popped the collar up, tugging the soft canvas up until it brushed Jensen's chin and covered the dark leather collar.

"I guess this isn't quite in fashion anymore, is it?" Jensen asked ruefully, raising a hand to finger his collar while he dropped his eyes away from Jared's face. If he was embarrassed, he hid it well, only showing a touch of exasperation at his plight.

"Not so much," Jared felt awful calling attention to the collar, even more so when Jensen didn't reply and, as meekly as Jared had ever seen him, followed when Jared started walking again. Already he missed the attitude Jensen had displayed when it had just been the two of them earlier.

This time they made it to the front without incident, and Jared quickly shouldered aside the glass door, holding it open behind him for Jensen. He had to catch the door again after he'd let it go because Jensen stopped in the threshold of the building, blinking in the bright sunshine and worrying the bottom hem of his borrowed jacket between his fingers. Outside, Jared could tell how pale Jensen actually was, and the reflecting light made the green of his eyes crystalline. For the first time, Jensen looked around with his expression unguarded, and the hard years melted from his face.

"It's been awhile, huh?" Jared asked, shivering as a small breeze tickled across his skin and ruffled over Jensen's hair. No matter what else happened, he knew that getting Jensen out of that place was worth it, just to let him have a little bit of the normal that Jared took for granted.

"You could say that," Jensen drawled, shaking a little, and moving so that Jared could let the door fall shut. His eyes were guarded again, and he watched every move that Jared made and adjusted his own body in reaction. He moved, graceful as a deer, but deadly as a rattlesnake, and Jared really needed to concentrate on remembering that.

"So. Jensen, huh?" Jared forced a small laugh, trying to break the ice that apparently followed brokering a deal for another human being's life. "Is that your first name or your last name?"

Squinting in the light, Jensen slid back into his carefully constructed persona and still managed to appear cool and unruffled as the look he gave Jared said just how stupid he probably thought Jared was. "It's a name," he said, shrugging. Laconic he might be, Jared thought Jensen would have made an amazing actor.

Jared cautiously herded Jensen down the sidewalk, wishing that he had brought the limo along despite the chance of somebody following him. "What, like Cher?" he asked, breathing a little easier when he saw the red bus stop kiosk. His plan had never been very well thought out, just the bare bones including getting Jensen across a city of millions back to his apartment without causing a scene. See Jensen, save him if he could, but afterwards Jared was out on a limb with a long way to fall.

"Who's that?" Jensen asked, furrowing his brow in confusion as he brought a hand up to shade his eyes.

"Never mind," Jared muttered, smiling at an older lady who shuffled away from them with a suspicious look on her face. He wished there had been a way to hide Jensen's collar better, but it was barely chilly enough to need a jacket let alone zip it up all the way.

Luckily, the next bus was due to stop in the next five minutes, so even though _not_ making small talk was awkward, Jared was fairly sure that commenting about the weather that Jensen hadn't actually seen in the last several years would be even worse. As it was, Jensen was craning his neck watching a cloud drifting through the sky with equal attention he gave the next second to the crazy homeless man across the street screaming about the end of days. He had a wonder in his eyes that made him look like a kid waiting for Christmas morning.

The bus pulled up already half full with people so that they had to walk all the way to the back before Jared found a place where they could sit together. Between the beanie covering his hair and his sunglasses, no one had recognized him yet, and he was incredibly thankful. He was already on edge just waiting for Jensen to freak out about something; he didn't want to deal with his fans just then. Normally he loved meeting people, but he wasn't going to be able to relax until he got Jensen home and the door locked.

They had a good half hour ride until they got close to where Jared had left his car in a parking garage downtown. Jared slouched every time someone new came on the bus and snuck quick glances at Jensen out of the corner of his eye. A comfortable silence built between them, and after a few bumps made them brush together, they both managed to relax enough not to jump at every point of contact.

Jared was usually very tactile with the people he spent the most time with, but thinking back, he realized that it had been a very long time since he could just lean against someone else's strength. Sandy only let him touch her when she wanted to be touched, and Mike kept him too busy to really get to know any of his costars. He missed the easy camaraderie that he had with his friends back home in Texas, but maybe he could have it again now. Maybe both he and Jensen would get a second chance.

"You overpaid," Jensen said quietly and out of nowhere. His voice was rough, not the smooth seduction or the earlier awe of his first steps outside, just a very no nonsense sort of tone that made Jared's insides ache.

"What?" Jared asked, not so cleverly, trying to keep up with Jensen's mood swings.

"I'm not worth whatever you paid for me," Jensen said slowly, over enunciating and raising his eyebrows high as if that would help Jared understand better. "Whatever he said, he lied to you."

Quickly looking around to make sure that nobody had heard that, Jared cringed at the casual way Jensen talked about himself, "What do you mean?"

Jensen sighed heavily, and kicked at the ground with the toe of his beat up sneaker. He looked out the bus window, staring past his own reflection. "They keep bringing in punks younger, dumber, and bigger every year. I'm good, but I've been in the business for too long. The mob likes me, but really they want to see me finally lose," Jensen said quietly, reaching out and putting his hand on the window. "I'm old and I'm tired; they give me less time to heal up between each match. I probably wouldn't have made it through the end of the year if you hadn't come along."

"How old are you?" Jared asked, heartbroken that something so terrible could happen to someone. He didn't know Jensen from Adam Sandler, but he knew that no one deserved a life like that, and he was going to do whatever it took to make up at least a small part of the harsh life.

Considering, Jensen finally looked away from the window and gave Jared a rueful look, "I've kinda lost track of what year it is."

"2008," Jared answered.

After a moment of thought, including sticking his tongue out the corner of his mouth, Jensen replied, "Then I think that I just turned thirty."

 

#

 

With an overwhelming feeling of having dodged a bullet, without Matrix special effects, Jared pushed the door shut behind him until he heard the click and then turned the deadbolt. As an afterthought, he also slid the chain latch into place and rested his head against the cool interior of the door. He felt like he'd just been dragged through the stunt lots by his hair and was still expected to shoot for another twelve hours living on water and bread crusts alone.

Jensen carefully kept his hands to his sides as he walked around Jared's living room, looking at pictures from Texas and various nick knacks that Sandy hadn't found worthy of taking. He hesitantly reached out a few times, but always stopped just short of touching until he found one of the last photos Jared had taken with his dogs before moving to California. In the photo, Jared was sprawled on the ground, Harley under his arm, Sadie between his legs, and none of them looking anywhere close to the camera.

Jared walked up behind him and saw that Jensen had his fingers splayed over the grass taking up the bottom third of the picture and had a wistful look on his face. "Hey man, you want a shower or anything?" he asked trying his best to channel Martha Stewart or something. As if Martha Stewart had ever brought home a 'natural born killer'.

"Whatever you want, sir," Jensen replied quickly setting the picture down and turning around with his eyes downcast. The tips of his ears were flushed red. "I'm yours. I'll do whatever you tell me to."

"Jared," Jared said automatically, reaching to pick up the discarded photo and smiling a little at the memory. He tilted the picture so Jensen could see and pointed, "These are my two dogs. That's Sadie, and that one's Harley. I got them from the shelter when they were just puppies, but I had to leave them behind when I came out here. If you're not allergic or anything, I'll see if my sister will bring them up."

"I always wanted a dog; too impractical for my lifestyle though." Jensen teased, the jacket easily slid off his shoulders until he had a hold of it just by his fingertips. He turned and shifted over until his shoulder was brushing Jared's chest. "I don't understand what you want from me. Bodyguard? Whore? Conversational piece?"

They were so close together that Jared couldn't help but sway into Jensen's heat and lift his hand to squeeze Jensen's upper bicep. "How about you be my roommate for right now, and we figure out the rest later?" he asked, trying to keep his tone light as he resisted pulling Jensen into a hug. He'd learned the hard way that not everyone appreciated his style of bear hug.

"It's your dime," Jensen said flippantly, stepping away and rolling his shoulders. He tossed the jacket into a chair and looked up at Jared, "How long can I have in the shower?"

"Um, until you're done, I guess," Jared said confused and gestured for Jensen to follow him down the hallway to the guest bathroom. He turned the light on and stepped back so that Jensen could pass him into the small room. "Everything you need should be on the shelves, and when you're done, the towels are in the cabinet."

Jared backed away quickly; he figured that they both needed a little bit of breathing room. He walked back into the living room, taking long breaths through his nose until his pulse settled and his pants didn't feel quite so tight. In less than twenty-four hours, Sandy was out, Jensen was in, and he didn't know whether he was disgusted at himself or bordering on happy for the first time in months. His stomach growled and he realized that he hadn't eaten anything that morning because he'd been so anxious about seeing Jensen.

In the kitchen, he spun the knob on the oven and reached across the aisle to open his freezer at the same time. Sandy hated frozen food, but he always kept pizza for when he was too lazy to fix anything else. He grabbed both pies that he had stashed, thinking that between them, he and Jensen would probably eat their way through them easily.

His cell buzzed in his pocket just as he was sliding the second pan in the oven, and he fished it out without thinking and answered, "Hello?"

"Jared, what the flying fuck is going on?" a hysterical voice yelled into his ear.

When he looked the display flashed Mike's name, but the voice currently screaming through the small speaker was borderline unrecognizable. Jared felt his gut twist, but he figured at this point if he was in for a penny, he might as well be in for a pound. If he was going to turn his life upside down, then he might as well try to start as fresh as he could.

"Sandy's here crying her eyes out, and I just cannot fathom what's going through that thick skull of yours! Are you trying to sabotage your whole fucking career? I have a plan, Jared, and you fucking it up is not _the plan_!"

He waited until Mike had to pause to draw in a breath and then cut in. "Just making -some changes, Mike," he said, happily pretending to be as air-headed as Mike always accused him of being. "I don't suppose you know of any good agents looking around to pick up some talent do you?"

Mike's voice went cold over the line, "What are you talking about?"

"You're fired Mike," Jared said opening up the refrigerator and pulling out a soda. He flipped the tab up and took a long drink, letting the carbonation burn down his throat. "It's been nice talking to you though. I'd tell you not to be a stranger, but I'd be lying."

More yelling immediately came through the phone, and Jared shut it with disgust and threw it on the counter, making it bounce and clatter over the marble and into the wall. It was probably broken, but nobody but Mike ever used that number anyway.

"Wow, what'd that thing ever do to you?" Jensen asked, and whistled as the vibration finally died away signaling the phone's last gasp of life.

"Nothing, jus- _oh_."

Jensen stood framed in the doorway to the kitchen, his hair still damp from the shower so that random drops of water fell, landing on his shoulders and rolling down bare skin. There was not a stitch of cloth covering a bit of him, and suddenly Jared lost all the moisture from his mouth as he brain disengaged and all his blood rushed south. Regardless of the twisting half healed scar Jared was looking at the most beautiful man he'd ever seen.

Mike had always made sure that Jared didn't have to share the spotlight with any of the other young male stars. Even if he hadn't been so in love with Sandy there hadn't been a lot of opportunities to check out how the other half lived. But still, he always kind of wondered.

He didn't have to imagine anymore. Light brown freckles sprinkled over Jensen's pale shoulders and upper arms over defined muscle. His hair fell down over his forehead, plastered like a wet swimmer's cap and dark. Jared finally managed to swallow without choking on his tongue as he eyes wandered down Jensen's chest. There was a long scar running from just under his right collarbone that curled across his left pec and down his stomach to his bellybutton. Smaller scars crisscrossed the expanse, but they were faded silver while the main one, though old, was still a vivid red.

There wasn't an ounce of extra flesh anywhere to be seen on Jensen's body, and when Jared's eyes inevitably drifted lower, he wondered what Jensen's pointy hipbones would feel like cupped in the palm of his hands. Jensen's thighs angled slightly out, and there, hanging in the middle was. . .

"Clothes!" Jared yelled, snapping his eyes up to see Jensen's amused expression. "You should have clothes!"

He spun around, opened the door on the far end of the kitchen, and stepped inside, shutting the door firmly behind him and blinking in the dark. He shuffled to the left, and his head hit the bare bulb hanging from the ceiling so he carefully reached up and tugged the chain down. He stared straight at a shelf full of canned vegetables, and realized that he'd retreated into the pantry.

"I'll just wait out here then!" Jensen hollered through the door, making yet another wave of heat roll down Jared's stomach. "You take you time."

Sheepishly, Jared let himself out of the pantry and swung wide around Jensen to head back to his bedroom to find something that might come close to fitting his new roommate. He ended up with a pair of sweats and a t-shirt that he'd shrunk in the wash. It was a faded gray Longhorn shirt he'd gotten free when he went to a basketball game back in high school. It had been one of his favorites before Sandy had used it to mop some of her girly gunk. The pink stain finally came out, but it never stretched across his shoulders right afterward.

The fabric balled in between his hands until he handed it off to Jensen. "Here you go," Jared said, keeping his eyes on Jensen's left ear. He could feel his cheeks burning hot as he blushed. "We can try to find you something you like better later."

"Whatever you give me'll be fine," Jensen answered, taking the bundle, shaking it out, and bending over to the pants over his legs. His collar pulled against the back of his neck as he craned his head down. "I only had two sets of clothes before, what I wore to fight and what I wore the rest of the time."

"You know, you don't have to wear that if you don't want to," Jared said, and looked as soon as he thought it was safe. Jensen had the sweats pulled up and had his arms through the sleeves of the shirt, stopped in the motion of pulling it over his head as he looked at Jared in confusion. Jared took a step closer and reached out to brush his fingers over the clasp of Jensen's collar, "I could take it off for you if you wanted me too."

"No!" Jensen yelled and jerked away, tripping over his feet and slamming backwards into the couch. He flailed in the t-shirt for a moment before he finally pulled it over his head, and by then Jared had backed away with his hands up in the air. Jensen's eyes were wide and he was breathing hard, "No, I need it. It… I've always had it, I don't remember anything else."

"Okay, I'll bring the pizza in, just," Jared blew out a breath and shook his head to try to get his bangs out of his eyes. He gestured toward the couch and started backing away toward the kitchen, "just make yourself comfortable."

The oven beeped just when he stepped from carpet to linoleum into the kitchen. His stomach growled just like Pavlov's dog, and Jared reached up into the cabinet to pull out the plates. One summer when he was fourteen an estranged cousin from New York sent her kids down to stay on his family's ranch for vacation. It was like they were aliens from another planet who delighted in making his every waking moment horrible. At least Jensen wasn't antagonistic, just likely suffering from post traumatic stress, rigorous indoctrination, and low self-esteem. They both just needed a little time to sort out their lives.

Jared cut the pizza and piled the slices up high on the plates. He tucked a couple of cans of soda under one arm, picked up the food and walked back out to the living room. He frowned up at Jensen's outline in front of the large picture window that faced out over the street and set their lunch down on the coffee table so he could walk over to join him, "What are you doing?"

"Watching the people watching us," Jensen answered without turning from the window. His arms crossed across his chest twitched once, muscle flexing and showing his unease despite his offhand tone.

The afternoon sun slanted through the tall buildings and illuminated the street across from them like a spotlight. An expensive looking luxury car was parked in front of a fire hydrant and a trio of men loitered up against the wall of the building. Jared frowned and squinted at them before he turned to look at Jensen and said, "Those don't look like the regular paparazzi."

"They work for Welling," Jensen said roughly and let his arms fall to his sides as he turned away from both the window and Jared. There was a tight line across his shoulders as he hunched into himself. His face was unreadable, a mask that slid over his features. It'd only been half of one afternoon, but already Jared was used to Jensen's expressiveness.

"What are they doing here?" Jared asked, stepping a little closer to the window and peering down. They didn't look like the courier he'd asked for, and they definitely weren't holding any papers or attempting to get into his building. He hadn't heard the door buzz.

Jensen sighed, ran his hands over his face, and leaned into the window so he could watch Jared through the reflections, "Making sure you don't do anything stupid like trying to call the cops down on them."

"Cops?" Jared swallowed convulsively trying to get rid of the lump in his throat. He could still hear Sandy's warning echoing through his head, _people have gone missing from saying less than what you just did_. He'd thought he was the one in control, but he realized with a sinking heart that he didn't have a clue what he'd jumped into. Worse than that, what he'd pulled Jensen into without even asking, just because he thought he knew best.

"They'll kill us both if they even get a hint that you're trying to shut down their organization," Jensen cocked his head and looked up at Jared, his expression still flat and his eyes dead. His tone was a hollow echo in the space between them. "Welling didn't get to where he was without getting his own hands dirty. He liked the blood, liked making me bleed."

Jared shut his eyes tight to the admission. When he opened them, Jensen had his shirt up and was looking down, tracing the scar across down his stomach. He raised his head; there was flint in his eyes and he said, "None of the other fighters ever left unless they were pitched in the back of a truck covered with a body bag. He's playing some sort of game, and you're in over your head. Still think I was worth it?"

 

****

 

It was worth it. Jared knew it had to be because otherwise he'd have lost his mind in the first week alone.

Jared was sitting in the living room the afternoon after he'd found Jensen, trying not to fidget. He'd barely managed to sleep at all the night before, and he was well into his second pot of coffee, any more and his hands would be shaking. It was almost one, he hadn't seen Jensen yet, and he was starting to get worried.

Finally, Jensen slouched out of the hallway still dressed in the clothes Jared had given him. His hair was even more of a mess, sticking up at odd angles in one place and flat in the next. He was glaring at the world indiscriminately until he caught sight of Jared, and he carefully blanked his expression. As delicately as a cat, he made his way across the living room and before Jared could stop him knelt at his feet.

"Jensen, no, you don't have to do that anymore," Jared squeaked, trying to jerk back into the couch cushions and away from Jensen's outstretched hands. That made twice that he turned away Jensen's mouth, and he doubted that anyone else had ever done it once when Jensen offered. Jensen left his hands on the insides of Jared's thighs as he squinted up into Jared's face. Jared had to stifle a very untimely smile at Jensen's expression, he looked confused, irritated, and offended all rolled into one.

As if he could read Jared's thoughts, Jensen scowled and sat back on the floor, crossing his legs in front of him Indian style. "You're trying to tell me," he started, looking like it wasn't odd to have a conversation sitting between another man's legs, "that all you want me to do is sit around your house, eating your food, _not_ sucking your cock? Who are you?"

"Well, that sounds good for now doesn't it?" Jared asked, squirming a little under Jensen's intense gaze. He'd actually done quite a bit of thinking about their future, "And I'm an actor."

Jensen snorted and raised his eyebrow, "So you lie for a living?"

"I entertain for a living," he answered, leaning over to snag his coffee off the side table for another drink. He tried to explain, "I like making people happy, making them think and feel or cry. It's a worthwhile challenge giving them a bit of a fantasy away from real life." Jensen stayed quiet and Jared decided to press his luck. "Do you remember anything about where you came from? If you still have family?" he asked sitting forward so he could rest his elbows on his knees.

"No," Jensen said and turned his head down and to the side, "No, there wasn't any point in remembering. After a few dozen blows to the head, it didn't even take that much effort to forget."

"Jensen," Jared said, blinking rapidly as he reached down and turned Jensen's face to meet his eyes. "Jensen, you could walk out that door right now if you wanted to, and I'm sure that you'd be okay all by yourself, but I … I'd like you stay here for awhile."

"Why?"

"So I can help you. So we can be friends," Jared said truthfully, smiling a little and taking his hand back from Jensen's cheek. He stood up and reached his hand down for Jensen to take, "How about we just take it one day at a time and see where we end up?"

Jensen took his hand and let Jared pull him up to his feet, but kept Jared's hand clasped in his, trapped between their bodies. He looked up and let his thumb slip over the middle of Jared's palm. "I guess I could pencil that in," he said, his lips twitching into a grin. "Is there any coffee left?"

Jensen's bizarre conglomeration of training, substandard understanding of interpersonal relationships, and mix of pop culture oddities alternatively made Jared grin, sigh, cry, or inwardly rage. It seemed that Jensen watched television just enough to _almost_ understand everything that a normal thirty year old would. Tiny idiosyncrasies grated under Jared's skin. They'd be talking about something and Jared would forget for a minute that Jensen had been kept in near isolation for his entire adult life. Jensen would make an odd turn of phrase or ask for an explanation for something Jared took for granted, and it filled Jared with so much anger that he was ready to tear Welling apart with his bare hands.

It didn't happen often, less so than the times that Jared was so close to taking up Jensen's offer of sexual favors that his belly ached with _want_. He never would have given himself the credit of self-denial before, but it was so wrong to take advantage. It was as if Jensen still didn't quite believe that his new life wasn't going to come back and bite him in the ass and wanted to cover all his bases. Jared couldn't help himself; Jensen knew exactly how to manipulate situations to leave Jared hard and shaking.

One day, Jared laughed so hard, he thought he would bust a gut when Jensen got into a fight with the washing machine. He'd have done just about anything to have had a camera to take a picture of a disgruntled Jensen covered with soapsuds while the washer shuddered with an unbalanced load of clothes. The lid bounced up, showering the room with freezing, soapy water until finally, Jared had to wade in and jab the knob over to 'off'.

"Dude, it's not funny!" Jensen growled, shivering a little as he tried to keep his footing on the slick tile floor. There wasn't a dry spot the size of a quarter anywhere on his shirt, and the material clung to his chest, outlining muscle and even the tiny nubs of his nipples. His hair stood up in spikes, and Jared could see a drop of water hanging off the end of his nose.

"It really, kinda is," Jared replied, still slightly wheezing from laughter as he opened the washer door and stuck his arm in all the way to the bottom so he could sort the clothes into an even mix. He'd always done the laundry for him and Sandy, and he had forgotten to warn Jensen about the machine's many quirks. "You should have seen your face."

He turned to grin at Jensen and somehow managed to put his foot right in the middle of a puddle of soap and went flying as he shifted his weight. He didn't even have time to flail before Jensen reached out, but it was too late and they both ended up in a tangled heap on the floor. The breath whooshed out of Jared's chest as Jensen landed heavily on him, and he got a double dose of cold water from the floor and Jensen's chest.

Automatically, Jared reached up to steady them and wrapped his arms around Jensen's back, bringing their bodies flush together. Gasping, Jared let his thighs splay open and Jensen settled between them, thigh rubbing against Jared's cock and eliciting an immediate response. He rolled his hips up and curled slightly up off the ground before his brain could catch up with the rest of his anatomy. If felt so good to touch someone after so long of keeping his hands to himself.

Jensen's face twisted into a soft smirk, and he lifted his eyebrows. "So, what does my face look like now?" he asked, looking at Jared through his eyelashes and brushing his knee up against Jared's balls. He leaned down over Jared's chest and nipped on the edge of Jared's jaw, licking up against the grain of his stubble.

Groaning, Jared clutched hard on Jensen's shoulder blades, stretching his head up to the side to give Jensen more room to work down the sensitive tendons of his neck. He couldn't for the life of him remember why he had turned Jensen down before; the man had a mouth made for sin. His body felt like it was on fire, even as the wet material of his shirt chafed over his skin. Jensen moaned against him, the sound vibrated down and shocked Jared's cock into further hardness.

The house phone went off, its obnoxious jangle shooting through Jared's haze of lust and shocking him back to his senses. He flushed again, but this time with the shame of almost taking advantage of a man who until recently hadn't had any other choice. Jensen sucked harder against his neck and clutched tighter to Jared's biceps. Gently, Jared moved his hands and pushed up on Jensen's chest until he sighed and rolled off to the side.

He scrambled up, still sliding over the floor, and made it to the phone on what seemed to be a particularly shrill ring. "Hello?" he said, trying to catch his breath without panting into the receiver.

"Hey man, it's me."

Jared furrowed his brow trying to place a male voice that was only slightly familiar. Not many people actually had his home number, he'd been meaning to go get a new cell, but he hadn't wanted to leave Jensen alone, and Jensen didn't seem to be ready to leave the apartment yet. "Yeah, hey you," he said, stalling until he could get another clue as to the identity of his caller.

"Heard your girl left you high and dry," the other man said, and chuckled slightly, cackling straight through Jared's ear and straight into his brain like a needle. "It's okay, happens to the best of us. Happens to me all the time!"

Of all the people in the world who could have called him, it was _Chad Michael Murray_. Jensen walked out of the laundry room and slowly pulled his shirt over his head, flexing as he watched Jared swallow the lump in his throat. Jared turned his back and reached down to adjust his cock to the other side of his inseam. At the moment, Chad was his favorite and least favorite person ever.

"Listen, you just gotta work through it, get back up on that horse, y'know?" Chad asked continuing even over Jared's silence. It sounded like maybe he was chewing on a mouthful of corn nuts or something. "Hey, you want me to call a hooker for you? Just to ease you back into the swing of things?"

Jared laughed startled, and blushed, turning again to put his back up against the counter as he watched the shadows Jensen cast on the living room wall. Maybe he'd gotten it wrong in Chad's case and he really was a decent guy, despite all other evidence to the contrary. "No thanks, dude, I'm good," he answered, running his hand through his hair and grimacing when his fingers snagged in a tangle of slimy soap and hair.

"You sly dog!" Chad howled, forcing Jared to hold the phone away from his ear or risk permanent hearing damage. "I should have known you weren't as straight laced as you pretended to be! Call me sometime; we can double date."

He smiled bemusedly at the phone as Chad hung up and the dial tone buzzed through. One thing was for sure, Chad was definitely one of a kind. Then, he walked out to the living room to find Jensen lounging on the couch wearing Sandy's leftover pink frilly robe and started laughing again so hard that tears streaked down his cheeks.

Jared liked to measure the time since Jensen moved in by the length of time that Jensen spent in the shower. The first day, he didn't take five minutes to get in and out, but as the days passed he lingered longer. It was easy to tell that Jensen appreciated his comforts, and after seeing the cell he was forced to call home for so long, it wasn't as if Jared could blame him. So, the length of showers increased day by day until Jensen managed to steam the windows and prune his fingers.

Jared celebrated by ordering bulk samplers from _Bed, Bath and Beyond_.

"You sure there isn't anything else I can get for you?" Jensen asked, brushing up against Jared's arm as he handed over a soda during a movie marathon. He let his empty hand trail up Jared's collar until his fingers tangled promisingly in the short curls at the back of Jared's neck. He was so close that if Jared moved any closer, he'd be breathing over the fly of Jensen's jeans.

"N-no, thanks, I'm good," Jared stuttered, shifting on the couch and hoping that Jensen wouldn't notice the beginning bulge between his legs. A little shift, and it was almost a casual gesture that moved the closest throw pillow over his lap. He smiled up at Jensen and pulled his soda out of Jensen's unresisting hand.

Jensen sighed heavily, let his hand fall as he moved around the arm of the couch, and settled on the floor between Jared's legs. Jared sucked in a breath when Jensen's shoulders nudged apart his knees and he settled sprawled out on the floor. The television was too loud, and Jared completely lost the plot when he felt Jensen wrap his hand around Jared's bare ankle, running his fingernails up and down the knobby bone on the inside of his foot.

He was nearly sure that the gunfire covered the sound of his strangled gasp, although nothing could disguise the immediate tightening of every muscle in his body. Less than a half hour later, Jensen leaned his head against Jared's knee, and Jared's fingers magically found their way to comb through Jensen's short hair. The soft bristles tickled the pads of his fingertips, and Jensen's purr vibrated up to his heart.

Unfortunately, not all of Jensen's quirks were settling quite as well as his showering habits. He only ate what Jared specifically gave him to eat, and it took forever to convince him to sit on the couch and not on the floor by Jared's feet. Eventually, he started wearing the clothes that Jared set aside for him, but he still managed to sneak some of Jared's clothes into his pile anyway. Actually, Jared still couldn't stop the thrill that raced up and down his bones when he saw Jensen wearing his favorite old hoodie.

Jensen wasn't a morning person. At all. After a week, Jared noticed that Jensen took every sunrise as a personal affront, groaning until his body finally warmed up around noon. Jared didn't understand until he watched Jensen go through his morning stretching routine and listened to the explanation about how his old poorly healed injuries got stiff and painful overnight. Jared left the apartment for the first time that day and went to get a heating pad to put under Jensen's sheets. Jensen didn't say anything, but his small smile and ease of movement the next morning was worth the worry.

After so long with a roommate, who he realized hadn't ever wanted much to do with him, Jared had a hard time adjusting to Jensen's constant presence. Out of both the upstairs, downstairs, and outside patio, only the master bathroom was off limits to being shadowed, but that was by Jensen's decree not his. Jensen followed him everywhere else from the living room to his office to his workout room. It was unnerving to be scrutinized so closely, but he took it as a victory when Jensen's eyes lost their edge from calculating to speculative.

Also encouraging was the touches that went from purposefully provocative to casual brushes as they got used to living with each other. At first, Jensen didn't know what to do with his hands if he wasn't rubbing, fingering, or scratching up Jared's bare skin. Jared wasn't going to complain about the foot rubs, but he'd already decided that he couldn't take advantage of Jensen, so every once in a while, he had to retreat to his bathroom for a well earned jerk-off session. He kept his own touches to casual pats on the back, trying to let Jensen know that he enjoyed his company, without promising something that he wasn't going to deliver.

The watchers continued to watch them from across the street. One morning they weren't there, and Jared felt a heavy weight lift from his shoulders. He had hoped that once he had Jensen's contract finalized and Welling paid off, they'd leave. He said as much to Jensen, but he calmly pointed out that they had merely moved to a less obvious spot.

When they finally started venturing outside, a large black van followed them wherever they went. It seemed that he was stuck with them for the duration.

****  
  
****

 

The ice cream store was crowded, even early on a Thursday afternoon, but Jensen's eyes lit up when he got his first glance at all thirty-two flavors and various toppings lining three shelves along the back wall. It wasn't the first time that they'd ventured outside the apartment, but the joy never quiet wore off. Jared was going stir crazy and when Jensen tentatively made the suggestion that they go out, Jared jumped at the chance. Once Jensen got used to the sights and sounds, he wanted to go out all the time.

Jared smiled at a trio of giggling girls who presumably had recognized him and were trying to take discreet pictures from their phones. He stopped and winked, letting Jensen get far enough ahead of him not to be in the pictures that would no doubt be splashed across the internet in less than an hour. It was the least he could do to make a few faces that would be sure to piss Sandy and Mike off if they saw them. He'd never gotten to have any fun around those two. Jared was in the middle of rolling one eye up into his skull, sticking his tongue out, and pushing the tip off his nose out when he caught sight of a familiar head walking by outside.

"Hey Jensen," he called jogging over to where Jensen had his face pressed up against the sneeze guard and sidled up close to his side. He slipped a fifty-dollar bill into Jensen's hand and continued, "Get whatever you want, order a number three for me, and then pay for whatever those three lovely ladies over there want. I just gotta step outside for a sec, and I'll be right back."

The girls giggled some more, the redhead in the middle actually snorted in laughter before she slapped a hand over her mouth. He couldn't help smiling again, he really did enjoy talking and playing with other people, he'd have to make sure that he had more time for it in the future. Maybe he'd go after one of the comic book movie adaptations so he could go to conventions. Jensen looked at him curiously but nodded; Jared patted him on the shoulder and then turned for the door hoping he wasn't already too late.

"Jeff! Hey, Jeff!" Jared yelled once he hit the sidewalk outside, bouncing up on his toes to look over the crowd separating them. They were in a semi busy street full of shops and small eateries, and everywhere he looked were tiny blondes carrying bags that looked to weigh more than they did. He jogged down the street and rounded a corner, "Jeff?"

Jeffrey Dean Morgan had been the star of the first movie Jared had ever acted in. He was still young, hadn't hit forty yet, but had the reputation of being 'old Hollywood' with all the glamour and poise lacking in the newest generation. His smile made people reply in kind, and Jared had never seen the man being anything other than polite. He'd learned more from those three months with Jeff than he had from the 'acting' coach that Mike insisted he get.

After a quick scan of the street, Jared's shoulders dropped in defeat, there was no sign of Jeff anywhere and there were too many stores lined up on either side of the road that it would take him hours to search them all. He felt a small pang for running out on Jensen so quickly anyway. He turned to head back and ran straight into Jeff coming out of the shop behind him.

"Padalecki! Kid, it's been awhile," Jeff yelled, pulling Jared into a hug and pounding him on the back. He stepped back with a grin stretched across his face and grabbed Jared's cheek in one rough palm. "Jesus, kid, there's been all sorts of rumors coming down the grapevine."

Paling, Jared thought about Jensen waiting in the ice-cream shop and the bottom dropped out of his stomach wondering exactly what people were saying about him. Again, he saw images of his face plastered to every gossip rag in town with various headlines including 'prostitution ring' and 'illegal street fighting scandal'. He watched as his career circled the drain and he was forced into despised exile to the hellish emptiness of the panhandle of Oklahoma where he was never spoken of again except as a cautionary tale of woe to all the young actors.

 _"Better watch out," they'd say, "or you'll end up like poor Jared Pada-whatever. He had a sexual identity crises and ended up naked, painted avocado, and humping a statue of Bogart. Tried to buy a man on his Visa card and was never invited back to polite society again."_

"Did you really finally fire that good for nothing agent of yours?" Jeff barreled on, not noticing Jared's momentary panic or the explosive exhale after Jeff's words sank in. Jeff just flicked his sunglasses up on his head and his smile never wavered.

"Oh, yeah, we had to go our separate ways," Jared said, and winced at the cliché. He sure wasn't going to get into his rescue of Jensen with Jeff, especially if it still wasn't common knowledge. He liked and trusted Jeff, but he didn't think that this was something you offloaded on somebody in the middle of the street. He figured that they'd need at least a drink or two.

"Well, I didn't have much luck with my agent either," Jeff teased with a grin, shaking his head and pulling Jared out of the middle of the sidewalk. There was a lull in traffic as the people around them pretended to be too cool to be interested in two movie stars shooting the breeze.

Snorting, Jared smirked, shoved his hands in his hip pockets, and rolled back on the heels of his sneakers. "What are you talking about?" he asked, shaking his head, "You freakin' _married_ your agent!"

Samantha Ferris was known in the business as a ball buster and a take no shit kind of woman. There were actors with sticks up their asses that wouldn't even be in the same room as her, but there were just as many falling over themselves trying to get her attention. She had some of the best talent with the best contracts in the business and everybody knew that she'd climbed up to the top of the heap all on her own. Jared had met her a couple of times during filming, and he liked her; she reminded him of some of the cowgirls back home. The real ones, not the kind that flounced around in pink hats and wouldn't know the back end of a steer from the front.

Jeff grabbed him roughly, and Jared couldn't get his hands out of his pockets fast enough to deflect the reaching arms. Before he knew it, his head was squeezed way too close to Jeff's armpit between ribs and bicep. "Yeah," Jeff laughed, bringing his other hand up to rub his knuckles hard on the top of Jared's head. "And then she fired me because she said it was a 'conflict of interest'."

"Ow! Let me go you fucker!" Jared laughed, shoving ineffectually at Jeff's solid bulk. It felt good just to let loose and have fun without worrying that a casual touch would turn to something else.

The world underneath him shifted violently, and Jared was on his knees looking up as Jensen wrestled Jeff to the ground. A woman screamed off to the side as the crowd parted around them. Quicker than a flash, Jensen had Jeff's arms wrenched behind him and was straddling Jeff's back, pushing all his weight down. Jeff was gasping for breath, his cheek pushed hard into the sidewalk as his legs ineffectually kicked behind them.

"Jensen! Jensen, no!" Jared yelled, scrambling to his knees to lunge for the two men. He felt his jeans rip, and the bite of gravel tear through his skin at his knee, but ignored it reaching for Jensen's waist and wrist. "Stop it!"

At his touch, Jensen twisted around his eyes clouded over, and for a second, Jared thought Jensen might hit him before he realized what was going on. After too many long seconds, Jensen relaxed by a fraction, a now familiar look of confusion coloring his expression. "But he was hurting you?" Jensen twisted his statement into a question and cocked his head.

"No," Jared said, shaking his head, and pulled frantically until Jensen released Jeff's arms and slid off his body and onto the ground between Jared's legs. Jared curled his arms around Jensen's waist, taking comfort from the heat of his body and play of his muscles. "No, we were just playing. He was teasing me is all; it was affectionate."

By Jensen's grimace, Jared could tell that Jensen didn't quite believe him, but relaxed enough to put his hands on Jared's legs, "Are you sure you're all right?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine," Jared said and forced a smile, reaching up to run his fingers over the soft skin of Jensen's neck. He was worried that this would shock Jensen back into his old mindset and undo all the good they'd managed to accomplish. He braced his knee against Jensen's back and shifted closer petting up and down Jensen's side until the tension between them melted away to nothing.

"I'm good too, thanks for asking."

Guiltily Jared jerked his head over to see that Jeff had waved off the crowd and was sitting propped up against the brick wall. Thankfully, Jeff looked more amused than angry even though he had the beginnings of an angry scrape reddening rose across one cheek. Jensen kept his fingers on Jared's cheek even while Jared was just trying to get them both standing without twisting anything too badly.

Once up, Jared held out his hand for Jeff so he could help the other man up ignoring Jensen's soft growl behind him. "Sorry Jeff," he said, gently brushing off Jeff's clothes and patting him down as if he could actually tell if there were injuries. He could still feel the blush climbing up his neck as well as Jensen's hand fisted in the back of his shirt. "This is my, uh, my bodyguard."

"Hella security you got there, kiddo," Jeff said, grunting slightly as he let Jared pull him to his feet. He let go of Jared's hand quickly and stepped back with his hands up when Jensen shifted closer to Jared's side. His keen eyes raked over both of them, calculating and seeing much more than Jared wanted him too. "You suddenly become the Queen of Sheba without telling anyone?"

"Oh, you know how it is," Jared answered vaguely, choking and trying to turn it into a cough as Jensen's hand brushed over his thigh. If his face got any hotter, he'd be able to fry an egg on it. He turned and waved his hand between the two men. "Jensen this is Jeffrey Dean Morgan, an old friend of mine. Jeff, this is Jensen."

Jeff cautiously extended his hand and looked more than a little surprised when Jensen took it and shook politely like Jared had shown him. "Just Jensen, huh?" he asked with an awkward laugh.

"Yes," Jensen answered, sneaking a look up at Jared before continuing, "Like Cher."

This time, Jeff's laugh was open and honest as he slapped his knee. "All right, you boys got me good," he said either ignoring or not seeing the look of confusion on Jensen's face and the rising blush on Jared's. "You two should come over to the house on Saturday and spend the night. The wife wants to talk to you anyway Jared, and I'll barbeque."

"Yeah, sounds good," Jared replied faintly, as Jeff ended up wiping away a tear before he walked away. Jeff's family was good people, but he wasn't quite sure he was ready to share Jensen that much with anyone else just yet. On the other hand, he really needed to get back in touch with his career, and Jeff and Samantha were a good place to start.

"Your ice cream is melting," Jensen said softly, bumping his shoulder into Jared's and jerking his chin toward the corner where a paper sack was sitting. He was hunched into himself, his shoulders up near his ears as he avoided Jared's eyes.

Jared hadn't ever been very good at reading body language but even he could tell that Jensen was shutting down. He'd never pulled that far back into himself since they'd left Welling's office together. "We don't have to go if you don't want to," he said, watching Jensen walk over to rescue the small brown bag from the ground. He'd already promised himself that he wouldn't put any demands on Jensen, but maybe he needed to say it out loud more often.

"It's not that," Jensen said pulling out Jared's colorful pint of Birthday Surprise ice cream and handing it over with a spoon taped to the side. "I just hate being wrong."

"Wrong?"

Jensen made a noise of irritation, grating out of his throat as he tore his own spoon of his carton and savagely stuck it down into his chocolate ice cream. "Wrong. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions, but he was touching you and I didn't like it," Jensen answered, working up a large spoonful and shoving it in his mouth. "I thought he was hurting you. This relationship shit was easier when it was just a choice between fucking and fighting."

"That happens all the time!" Jared exclaimed, relieved that was all Jensen was worked about. "Well, not to me. Nobody's ever fought over me before." Thinking back, Jared let his face scrunch up trying to remember, and realized that it was actually sort of flattering. He didn't think that anyone except his mother had ever really stood up for him before. "It's kinda hot, actually."

He'd just barely finished speaking when Jensen's face curled up, and Jared could see that his eyes were watering. Jared sucked in a breath and felt his eyes go wide, he was ready to take it all back and declare Jensen the ugliest man on earth to keep him from crying. A gaping wound opened up in his own chest, and he wanted to hug Jensen to make it all better no matter what kind or how many fires he had to jump through. He hadn't felt this protective over someone besides Sandy in longer than he could remember.

Something of what he was feeling must have shown in his expression because Jensen quickly took a step back and shook his head. "Dude," he gasped, opening his mouth wide and smacking his tongue up and down across his teeth, "brain freeze."

Jared laughed so hard that Jensen had to pound him of the back just so he could get over his gasping fit.

 

****

 

"Boy, you'd better get your skinny butt over here and let me look at you!"

Jared dropped his bag between his car and Jeff's Impala and took two loping steps over to the stairs where Samantha stood glaring at him with her arms crossed over her chest. He ducked his head under her scrutiny and stopped with just one foot up on the bottom step so he could look up at her through the fringe of his bangs and school his features into an apologetic grin.

"Oh please, I've had actors with more years of experience than you've been alive try to pull those puppy eyes with me and I haven't melted yet," Samantha growled, and held her flinty look for another several seconds before she broke into a wide grin. "You're such a pup. You look good though."

"Thanks Sam," Jared reached up, snagged her around the hips before she could dance away, and swung her down so he could lay a wet kiss on her forehead. "You're still as beautiful as ever."

Samantha laughed loud and hard and batted his hands away. "Flatterer," she said, shaking her head. "You should have come around much sooner."

A flash of guilt worked its way through his system, Jeff had tried to keep in touch after their movie, but somehow there was always something Mike and Sandy wanted him to do or someone they wanted him to meet, and he hadn't managed to return more than a handful of phone calls before they stopped coming altogether. He never had made that many friends in LA, even among his costars, looking back it all seemed so clear. He'd become a completely different person, and not one that he'd ever want to be again.

"Jared?" Jensen's unusually timid voice snapped him out of his thoughts and he backed away from Samantha and dropped her hands as if he were burnt.

"Sam, this is my friend, Jensen," he said, quickly and went back to the car so he could cup Jensen's elbow and draw him up into the conversation. Jensen looked nervous, and he kept glancing over his shoulder at the fully restored Impala parked in the middle of the driveway. "He's my roommate now."

Samantha smiled tighter as she nodded to them and took Jensen's offered hand. "Heard you put it to my no good husband the other day," she said, dry humor coloring her voice. "Serves him right too, prancing around, acting like a teenager."

Jensen blushed, scarlet staining his cheeks as he tried to move into Jared's shadow. "It was my mistake, ma'am," Jensen answered shyly, obviously unsure of just what to make of Samantha and joining the legion of almost every man she'd ever met.

Samantha scoffed and jerked him closer to her by his hand. "None of that 'ma'am' stuff around here. You can call me Sam or Samantha," she said with a hard nod and then jerked him even closer, lowering her voice. "You listen real good though, if I hear you've been messing with this kid, I'll chew your head off myself. He's had more than enough of people using him."

"No, ma-" Jensen caught himself and looked wide-eyed up at Jared. "I wouldn't."

"Good," Samantha snorted, let Jensen's hand go and turned to go back up the steps. "Jeff's out back burning some meat, so just drop your bags off in the spare rooms and head on out."

She disappeared through the doorway, leaving them alone in the front yard. Jensen warily watched the doorway as if waiting for her to spring back out at him. "Out of all the things I've seen, I think she's the scariest," he said in an awed tone.

"I heard that!"

Jared lowered his head and giggled like his little sister had in grade school. He felt no shame either, even when Jensen just kept scowling at him, because some situations just required something sillier than a chuckle.

Later, gathered around a picnic table, Jensen had barbeque sauce smeared across his mouth and it was all Jared could do to keep from leaning over to lick it off. The afternoon was going better than he could ever have expected, both Jeff and Samantha went out of their way to make Jensen feel comfortable and included. Jared could have kissed them both when Jensen's eyes lit up and he started talking about a killer whale documentary he'd seen on TV. He seemed to have lost the uneasy tension that he'd shone earlier, and he even let Samantha come up behind him without jerking away.

It was an experience to be able to step back and watch Jensen interact with others, a rare treat. Jared wouldn't have guessed that Jensen had it in him to get along with people so well. He was expressive without being loud and friendly without ever expanding his personal space. Jensen would dip his head and listen intently to whatever Jeff or Samantha was saying, but every few seconds he'd search for Jared and smile when they locked eyes.

Jensen looked amazing in the long sleeved shirt he'd picked out to wear. The rolled up cuffs, drew attention to his muscled forearms, and his under t-shirt was nearly enough to hide his collar. He'd spent so much time soaking up the sun on their roof and balcony that his hair had taken a golden hue and his freckles blended better into honey-tanned skin. He was relaxed, and Jared could almost forget that they weren't actually just good friends out for the weekend.

At dinner, Samantha passed a bowl full of corn on the cob down the table and caught Jared's attention. "Now, explain to me why you passed on the Bovenshein role? That could have made your career," she said, casually flipping a handful of napkins down next to Jensen's plate. "You know how much it hurt to have to pass that contract on to your sleezeball agent?"

It was a good thing that the flying insects were too busy attacking Jensen to notice Jared's mouth hanging open. "You're kidding me! I bothered Mike for weeks to get me an audition for that part!" he almost couldn't believe it, except that it was all too easy to see now. He felt so stupid, like a fresh faced farm boy right off the ranch. "He told me they were looking for someone older, and then they hired that guy from that last Die Hard movie, so I figured it was just personal."

"Oh, it's personal all right," Samantha growled, ignoring the calming hand that Jeff laid on her forearm and gesturing with her steak knife until Jared's eye twitched into a flinch. "Rosenbaum and I have clashed horns since he oozed onto the scene around ten years ago. I'm just sorry he took it out on you."

"Yeah, you and me both," Jared replied taking a savage bite out of his butter soaked roll. "I don't suppose you happen to know any agents looking for block-headed clientele?"

"Kid, you shop around, but I've had a contract with your name on it in my desk for years, and it'd be my pleasure to represent you," Samantha winked and leaned into Jeff's open arms. "You just say the word."

They were so comfortable together that Jared felt an immediate pang of jealousy shoot through his stomach as he watched Jeff played with his wife's hair. He'd thought that he'd had that with Sandy, but he hadn't even been close. Beside him, Jensen shifted, rubbed their thighs together and smiled, offering Jared half of the last slice of watermelon.

"Consider the word said," Jared said, feeling his grin curl all the way up to his eyes. He glanced back to Samantha and knocked his elbow into Jensen's in thanks. He took a bite out of the watermelon and felt the juice drip down his chin.

 

****

 

The guest room was still dark when Jared startled awake, jerking in his sleep as if he'd just stepped off a curb and lost his footing. Moonlight slatted through the half-closed shutters illuminating the room except for a void that fell over his feet. He could feel his heart beating in his ears and hear his breath rushing through his throat and he quickly cast around for what had woken him. He blinked away the scratchiness of sleep until his eyes could focus again and found Jensen.

He was standing with his arms crossed, leaning back against the wall and watching Jared in bed. He was only wearing a pair of boxers that Jared immediately noticed where his, and seemed impervious to the cool nighttime air. "My family used to have an Impala," Jensen said so quietly that if the ceiling fan had been turned on, Jared wouldn't have been able to hear at all. "I remembered when you pulled up next to Jeff's. A '67. It was just like it except that ours was yellow with a stripe down the bottom."

Jared's brain was still trying to wake up until a jolt through his system sent him sitting up against the headboard. "You remember!" he whispered loudly, beaming while he pulled up his bunched sheets against his midsection. One of the first roadblocks they'd met was Jensen's inability to remember where he came from. They didn't even know if Jensen was his real name or something given to him later.

"A little," Jensen agreed though he still didn't move or blink. "My dad took us to a cabin on the lake for two weeks every summer. We'd pile into the car and drive for hours to get there. My mom, my sister and brother, and me."

"That's awesome," Jared enthused, excited that Jensen was reclaiming a little of what had been taken from him so long ago. If Jensen continued to remember things then maybe they'd be able to find Jensen's family, and then he could --. Oh. His excitement collapsed like a house of cards as he realized that if Jensen remembered, then he would leave and Jared would be by himself.

"Yeah, really neat," Jensen repeated angrily under his breath and pushed off the wall to step closer to the bed. His . . . Jared's . . . his boxers hung low down on his hips, dipping over the flat muscles and breaking the line of hair that traveled down from his bellybutton. "So how did I get here, huh? If once upon a time, I had a family and a normal life, then how come I've spent the last fifteen years alone? How come I'm a freak?"

Jared sighed, it was either way too late or way too early to even attempt to have this conversation, and either way, Jensen was extremely too naked for even half of Jared's brain to be able to work on the problem. "You're not alone now," he said, but yawned widely over half of it so that he was probably incoherent. "And you might be a freak, but you're a lovable freak."

"Takes one to know one," Jensen shot back, a little of his old humor coloring his tone.

The bed was plenty big enough, and he didn't think that either Jeff or Samantha would mind so he scooted over to the side opposite of Jensen and held up the blankets in invitation. He held his breath waiting to see what Jensen would do, and barely dared to exhale when Jensen quickly slid in beside him and turned into Jared's stomach. The hair on his arms tickled Jared's sides as Jensen quickly wrapped him up and rubbed against him.

Air whooshed out of Jared's lungs, as Jensen unerringly started to grind their groins together. His half-hard cock grew immediately completely interested and he had to bite his lip to stop the sounds of pleasure from exploding out of his chest. "Jensen, no, wait," he gasped, sounding strangled as he tried to pull Jensen away from him.

"What? What?" Jensen asked crossly, easily wiggling around Jared's hands to press his face against Jared's collarbone. He pressed open-mouthed kisses against the flesh he found there, sucking lightly, and scratching his teeth over the small bones poking up. "I didn't push. I stopped pushing, and I waited until you offered. I thought that was what you wanted. I can tell you want me."

"No, that's not," Jared's breath hitched as Jensen eased a thigh between his and rocked up. It was so tempting to let Jensen go and have what they both wanted, but he still couldn't escape the niggle in the back of his mind that said Jensen wasn't ready yet. He heaved himself backward and managed to get his hands around Jensen's wrists. "You remembered something important today. Maybe you'll remember more, who knows? But it's important, and I don't want… I don't want to take anything away from that."

"You just want to sleep?" Jensen asked doubtfully, obviously confused though he continued to inch his way back into full body contact. His feet were cold against Jared's shins and his hands when Jared released them fit perfectly into the dips under Jared's ribs.

"Yes?" Jared asked, but he knew that if Jensen pulled him close one more time, he wouldn't have the discipline to turn him down again.

Jensen considered him for a long, drawn out moment until he relaxed back into the pillow. He folded his hands over his belly button and let a out a loud breath, "Okay, but if you turn out to be a sleep cuddler, it's not my fault."

True to his word, Jensen didn't try to force the issue, but when Jared woke up in the early morning dawn, he was spooned closely behind the other man. He was hard as a rock and wisps of the most erotic dream he'd ever had haloed above his head. It was just lucky that Jensen slept incredibly deeply so that Jared could crawl out of bed and into the shower.

However, he couldn't escape his thoughts so easily. Jared rested his head against the still cool tile while he wrapped his hand around his cock. A small grunt escaped at his first touch and he instantly remembered the image from last night of Jensen standing against the light, naked, and ready to climb into his bed.

Turning that down, he deserved either sainthood, or a stint in an insane asylum.

 

****

 

Jensen was out in the front yard, packing their bags and talking to Jeff when Samantha cornered him in the kitchen. The room was homey and old fashioned, the kind that he used to image him and Sandy moving around each other in. Now he looked at the sink and imagined standing behind Jensen, doing the dishes together while he teased them both by rubbing up against Jensen's ass.

He'd wait until they were both so desperate for it that he'd spin Jensen around and kiss his lips until they were swollen and red. Jensen would whine deep in his throat and grunt when Jared picked him up from the waist and put him on the counter for easy access. His fingers would scrabble up Jensen's thighs and angle straight for the button fly on the front of his jeans. Jared would groan himself when Jensen wrapped his long legs around Jared's waist and clutched tightly on his biceps.

"You've got a little bit of drool there, kid," Samantha said dryly, rolling her eyes at him as he snapped out of his daydream and immediately wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Sorry, Sam," he said, and put his coffee mug in the drainer to dry. Sheepishly, he realized that she'd been kidding and tucked his hands into his pockets, "You know that my head's so empty that it's easy for me to get lost."

"I'll bet," she answered, and came to stand with him and look out the small window to see Jeff gesturing in what was either a story about baseball or a brutal choking. Nervously, she twisted a lock of her dirty blonde hair in between her fingers. "Listen, I know it's none of our business, but both Jeff and I wanted to make sure you're okay."

Jared looked at her out of the corner of his eye, and watched Jensen smile and ask Jeff a question that made the older man double over in laughter. "I'm fine," he said. "Good even. Definitely better than I've been the past couple of years."

"Well, that's no doubt," she said grimly and turned to brace her hip against the counter top so she could pin him with a glare. "But we were both hoping that you could answer that question on a more personal note. Honey, neither Jeff or I were born yesterday. If Jensen is actually your bodyguard then I'm a porn star, and trust me, no one wants to see that. And, don't think we didn't notice that collar he's trying to hide with the sweaters and jackets."

"Jensen is…" Jared paused searching for the right word. There were many he could say - _amazing, handsome, tempting, dangerous_ \- and all of them were true. Finally, he settled on, "complicated."

She treated him to a wiry grin and shook her head, "Love always is." A denial was on the tip of his tongue, but she shushed him before he could get a word out. "Don't bother, kid, I can see right through you. Just remember that I'm not just your agent; Jeff and I are your friends. You get into any trouble, you call us."

Humbled a little by Samantha's depth of feelings for him, Jared blushed and scuffed the toe of his battered sneaker against the floor. He really didn't know what to say, it didn't seem like 'aw, shucks' would really cover it.

Samantha punched him hard in the shoulder and scowled, "None of that, now! I'm counting on you to make my retirement!"

When they left, both Jensen and Jared were laded with leftovers and enough food for thought to keep the ride home very quiet.

 

  


 

#

 

  


Bringing the dogs up to the house was the last nail in the coffin of Jensen's reticence. With them around to take care of, Jensen started to take more initiative with what he wanted to do and when he wanted to do it. It was just as well, because with Samantha as his agent, Jared started to get very busy meeting with directors and producers trying to find his next job. Jared loved having the dogs back, but he was extremely grateful that Jensen had taken to them well enough to put up with their constant demands for food, petting, and runs.

The dogs took to him just as much, and Jared loved to watch the three of them playing together. The years fell away from Jensen's shoulders as he rolled around on the floor acting like a dork because it wasn't like he needed to impress Sadie or Harley. One evening, Jared was sucked into the action and ended up flat on his back with Jensen straddling his stomach and Sadie trying to eat his hair. Luckily, there wasn't anything better for stopping an erection than one of Harley's gigantic paws to the groin.

Jared bucked up off the floor and threw Jensen off into a laughing heap so he could curl in on himself, cupping his hands over his dick and howling as loud as Sadie. It wasn't that it hurt so badly, it just surprised him in the middle of imagining Jensen rocking back just six inches and grinding down in a much more pleasant manner. Harley kept nosing at him as if he couldn't understand why his master was making such a fuss.

"If your face gets any redder, you're going to pop a vein or something," Jensen said in between harsh volleys of laughter as he slipped down on the carpet. His eyes were crinkled and his smile was so bright that it took up all of Jared's attention. "Breathe or something."

Getting away from Sadie, who was trying to lick him to death, was harder than it sounded, but eventually Jared made it back up and collapsed beside Jensen next to the couch. "You are a bad influence on my dogs, man," he gasped letting his head fall back and loll over onto Jensen's shoulder. He felt supremely comfortable, like if this was all he had for the rest of his life, he'd be just fine.

"Maybe your mutts are just finally showing their true colors," Jensen answered, dragging Harley over so he could rub his hands over the dog's neck. He lifted up Harley's loose skin so it would look like he'd have wrinkles covering his face. "They can't help it that I'm infinitely cooler than you are."

Jared reached out to tangle his fingers under Harley's collar where he liked to be scratched the best. "I think it's just because you're kindred spirits," he said, watched Jensen carefully out of the corner of his eye. They'd never really had any deep conversations, and he felt like a total girl but he couldn't help continuing, "All three of you have kind hearts."

Harley moved suddenly; jerked away to run to the window and bark shortly at a passing noise. The movement over balanced Jared so that he leaned more heavily on Jensen than he meant to, and when he looked up, their faces were only inches apart. He had to hold his breath, knowing that if he breathed in he'd smell Jensen, and that coconut skin scrub he'd gotten addicted to, and _Jensen_ , and then it would be all over.

"How can you say that when you know what I've done?" Jensen asked quietly, his eyes staring into Jared's so close that Jared could see specks of yellow and brown highlighting the green. His soft breath ghosted over Jared's cheek, and the stark vulnerability laced across the shadows of his face would have made a much harder man break. No one had ever accused Jared of being hard.

"Because, I see what you're doing now," Jared said, and before he could think better of it, lifted his chin to close the distance between them.

The kiss was timid, neither one of them shocked that it had happened, but surprised maybe that they were both covered in canine slobber and sitting on the floor. Jensen's stubble rasped over his chin, and the angle was all wrong, making his neck twist as he tried to fuse their mouths together. The couch was in the way so he couldn't twist his shoulder, and he refused to break off the kiss before they got it right. He whimpered and blinked, feeling his eyelashes catch on Jensen's cheek.

Jensen reached out tenderly and laid his hand against Jared's throat, easing them both back until the only strain was trying to get closer. Jensen's mouth opened up underneath his, warm, wet, and friendly when Jared licked hopefully at the corners. He didn't bother holding back a groan of joy; it was probably the best kiss he'd had in his entire life. It definitely meant more than any other kiss he'd ever shared with anyone. He'd already thought that he'd do anything that Jensen asked, but now he knew it for the truth it was.

Just like that, it was as if someone had snuck up behind him and poured ice water down his back. Jared tensed, and pulled away even though he regretted it the moment they separated. Jensen instinctively tried to follow him, and Jared put a hand up on his chest to push him back. The raw emotions flickering over Jensen's face was more than he could take.

"I'm gonna go grab a shower," he said, voice rough as he forced the words out of his throat. He backed away from Jensen on his knees, shuffling so he wouldn't have to look up and see the questions or hurt in Jensen's eyes.

The respite, however, was brief. By the time that Jared stepped out of his bathroom, dressed in his pajama pants and in charge of most of his baser urges, Jensen was already curled up in his bed. He was in a tight fetal position, his back bowed and as close to the end as he could get.

Since their stay out at Jeff's house, Jensen had slipped into his bed every night. Eventually, Jared just told Jensen to start out in his bed, that way he wouldn't jerk awake in the middle of the night. Jensen never initiated anything, but they always found themselves wrapped around each other come morning. Jared slid into his side of the bed, feeling the space between them acutely. The sheets were cool against his stomach as he twisted trying to find a comfortable position in the awkward silence. He felt like an ass.

Jensen didn't deserve to be jerked around, just because Jared had so many issues. Jensen was his friend, but he wanted more than friendship, and he still wasn't sure if Jensen knew the difference. Was he any better than those men who went to Jensen's cell to use him? The thought made his skin crawl, but he couldn't quite reconcile that old Jensen who talked about himself like a whore with the new one who played with Sadie and Harley, and was the closest thing he had to a best friend. He still remembered how hard he instantly got when Jensen had sunk to his knees in front of him.

The tension in Jensen's back bled through the blankets, like static electricity and put them both on edge. Jared ached to reach out and soothe away the tightness that he could see was keeping Jensen awake. More than that, he knew that it would actually hurt Jensen come morning if he didn't relax. He stopped just short of contact, wondering if Jensen would even let him after his spaz out.

"Hey," Jared said, his voice loud like a shot in the dark. He coughed and tried to whisper, though it came out hoarsely, "Hey, I might be a little late tomorrow. You can order your weight in pizza or something, okay?"

Since he'd first started leaving the house, Jared had left a credit card by the phone that Jensen could use to order out or for emergencies. That first day, he was terrified that he'd get back to discover Jensen had split; instead, Jensen was waiting for him with a kitchen full of Chinese take out.

Jared sighed again, and shifted toward Jensen just enough to reach his hand out and brush down Jensen's back. When Jensen didn't immediately react, he left his hand there, hoping that he could offer at least a little comfort. The ceiling didn't have any answers for him either, no matter how hard or long he stared at it.

 

****

 

"Hey, Jensen!" Jared kicked the door shut behind him, ready to set his grocery bags down and shake off the stress of the day. The dogs crowded around him, threatening to trip him up as they wound around his legs, barking happily. He was eager to shake off the tension of the day, and seeing his pups was a good way to start.

He'd stopped by the grocery store on his way home and picked up a package of every kind of burrito they kept in the freezer section. Jensen still hadn't said anything to him when he'd had to leave that morning, and he hoped that remembering the tidbit from their first conversation would score him some brownie points. He was fully willing to be raked over the coals for being an asshole. Whatever it took to make Jensen smile again, he was going to do it.

Two meetings with different producers and a working lunch with Samantha had gone by while he fidgeted and day dreamed about Jensen. He imagined them making out on the couch, Jensen heavy enough that Jared's lungs would ache, but he still wouldn't be willing to move. He must have pushed the first four digits of his home number a hundred times while he opened and closed his new cell phone. Finally, he'd buried it under the passenger seat in his car so he could concentrate enough to make a good impression on the industry people.

Samantha had found out pretty quick that Mike had been working overtime trying to make Jared look bad and sink his career before he had a chance to do any damage control. Even though that worked in their favor with people who knew Rosenbaum well, there were enough rumors and outright lies out there to make their job difficult. Very few people wanted to take a chance on the flighty prima donna he supposedly was. Even people that he'd worked with before were wary of giving him a chance.

"Jensen!" he yelled again, swinging around the corner and into the kitchen. It was spotless, just like when he left it this morning without any of the usual clutter that Jensen made by puttering around. A slow touch of fear stroked down his back. "Jensen?"

The dogs trailed after him as he dropped the shopping bags and dashed into the living room. There, even the throw blanket was folded neatly over the back of the couch and there was no trace of Jensen anywhere. It was a spike of fear this time, and it wedged itself deep through his ribs aiming for his heart. It had only been a couple of months, but already the idea of making it day by day without Jensen was simply unacceptable. His breath stuck in his throat as he quickly made of circuit of the rest of the apartment, hoping that maybe Jensen was upstairs taking out his aggressions in the weight room.

Jensen was nowhere to be found. Thankfully, Jared still had enough presence of mind to shut the door behind him so that the dogs couldn't get out, but after that, he made a headlong flight down the stairs, unwilling even to wait for the elevator. Out on the street, the sidewalks were crowded with people out to late dinners and looking for a little entertainment. These were the locals, used to the rich and usually scatterbrained movie stars running around in their midst, so they barely raised an eyebrow at him.

After he scanned the various outdoor eateries, Jared veered away from the crowded streets. He cursed himself for not following through on his impulse to get Jensen his own cell phone. There weren't that many other places in the neighborhood besides the park they took the dogs running in.

Twilight layered the small area of wilderness, the ornamental lamps only beginning to flick on to fight the darkness. Only a small piece of the park was given over to a children's playground, the rest of it were running paths and a large band shell amphitheater. From this end, he could just hear the echo of a guitar rift and drums that told him that there was some sort of concert going on. He prayed that maybe Jensen had just got bored and went to listen to a little free entertainment.

The closer Jared got, the louder the music was and the more crowded the sidewalks became. The echo resolved itself, and he could clearly hear the twang of country music mixed with harder rock. Jared prayed that he'd be able to find Jensen, especially when he got closer and saw that there was a substantial crowd listening and clapping along. He despaired for a moment when he saw all the people, that even if Jensen was there, he'd never be able to find him.

The band up on the stage clearly had a country feel, complete with cowboy hats and t-shirts with the sleeves ripped out. They finished the song they'd been singing since he walked up to thunderous applause from the audience. The lead singer grinned dangerously and held up his arms, reveling in the praise. Jared kept looking for Jensen, but the outside floodlights were dimming as the band segued into a slower song, and Jared's hopes dropped along with the darkness.

Multicolored spotlights illuminated the amphitheater from tracks at the bottom of the stage and several beams crossing over the top of the stage. Jared stopped at the back of the crowd, the space around him cutting him off and suffocating him in his desperation to find Jensen and never let him go again. He'd been so stupid, he shouldn't have left while Jensen was still so upset. He should have apologized or tried to explain himself or something. Anything.

A flash of green aimed his way just for a heartbeat and managed to catch his eyes, lighting up in flared spots that danced across his vision no matter how hard he blinked. Jared staggered over to the side, ignoring the glares of one of the park security people who were watching over the band's equipment. He leaned up against several storage boxes, and rubbed his eyes hard with the backs of his hands, hoping that he'd be able to see again and get away from the press of bodies. If he didn't have Jensen, then he didn't want anyone else.

When Jared finally blinked away the stars and blobs of light, he looked up and saw a familiar profile outlined against the still flashing lights. At this angle, he wasn't in any danger of being blinded and quickly made his way over, trying not to hope too hard, fearing that he'd only be disappointed. Close enough, though that he could tell, and his heart lurched as he shouted to be heard over the music, "Jensen!"

Two big hands clapped down on his biceps, the security guard had followed as soon as Jared stepped past the markers of public access. Desperate, Jared yelled again, hoping he could get Jensen's attention before he was thrown out on his ear, "Jensen!"

Finally, Jensen looked over, and quickly jumped down from his perch up on the stone wall that arced around behind the band shell. He waved away the security guard, and said, "It's okay Joe. He's with me."

The guard gave Jared one last shake before he let go and wandered away. Jensen folded his arms across his stomach and slowed when he got close enough for what would have been comfortable speaking distance if there hadn't been a five piece band playing less than twenty feet away.

"So, you thinking about a career change?" Jared tried to joke, his smile falling in the face of Jensen's severe displeasure. "Um, friends of yours?"

"Yeah," Jensen answered, and gestured for Jared to follow him back behind the speakers where the noise wouldn't make his eardrums bleed. "I helped 'em set up this afternoon while you were out. Nice guys. Straight forward."

"God, Jensen," Jared said reaching out and hooking his hand around the back of Jensen's neck to haul him forward into a hug. He didn't even care that he was making a scene or that he couldn't help but soothe his hands down Jensen's back. "I was so scared."

"Why?" Jensen asked, and Jared could feel his face contorting into confusion against Jared's neck. He let Jared hug though, and slowly raised his own hands to clutch the material at the small of Jared's back. "Why bother?"

Jared pulled back just far enough to see Jensen's eyes, and once again felt his heart splinter into tiny pieces at what had happened in his friend's past and what he'd obviously done to dig it up. "Because I missed you," he said simply, putting everything he could into his expression praying that Jensen would believe him. "Because I care about you. You're my best friend."

The singer crooned on, the love song only adding to the atmosphere that wound tighter and tighter around them. Jensen studied him for a long moment, and Jared knew that every bit of acting artifice he owned was falling away leaving nothing but the truth between them. The smile that broke out across Jensen's face was brighter than the spotlights that went crazy as the band wrapped the song and said goodnight to a cheering crowd. Jensen pulled Jared in tight, pressing with every bit of his strength and tucking his face in against Jared's cheek.

"Let's go home," Jensen whispered against Jared's ear, his mouth tipping up and catching against Jared's stubble. He slung a possessive arm around Jared's waist and steered them out past the still glowering security guard.

Jared left his arm around Jensen's shoulders, sure that if he let go for even a second, Jensen would be gone forever. It was just a good thing that Jensen seemed to know where they were going, because he could hardly take his eyes off Jensen's face. He realized just how far gone he was and opened his mouth to apologize, or tell Jensen how he felt, or to beg that Jensen felt the same way.

"I bought burritos."

Jensen looked up at him, smile warring with a look of confusion, which clearly said that Jared was the strangest person on the face of the planet. "I love burritos. What kind did you get?" he asked, and waved at one of the roadies before they made it to the path that would eventually lead them back to Jared's apartment.

"All of them, I think," Jared said, feeling tiny sparks of pleasure fly up and down his body every time he and Jensen bumped hips as they walked. It would have been faster if they separated, but nothing was going to make him give up touching after the scare he just went through. "I kinda left them on the floor of the kitchen though, so what the dogs didn't get are probably just a pile of mush by now."

"Guess you'll have to make it up to me then," Jensen teased, a glint in his eye that told Jared he wouldn't be getting off as easily as he did yesterday.

"I can do that," Jared said, willing to promise anything to the moon as long as Jensen didn't leave him.

 

****

 

"Why don't you want to touch me?" Jensen asked, once they got into the bed that night. He wasn't timid at all, just asked the question as if Jared didn't hold his heart in the palm of his hand ready to squish it into paste. He propped his head up on his hand, face a puzzle of shadows as the soft light from the window masked more than it revealed.

Jared took a deep breath and momentarily buried his face in the pillow. Since they'd been home, they could hardly keep their hands to themselves. He needed to make sure that Jensen was really there, that Jared hadn't lost him. Jared had tucked his fingers through Jensen's belt loops on their walk home, and Jensen had smiled, small and secret.

Jensen had laughed and made Jared clean up the strung out burrito wrappers that the dogs had left all over the living room. Sadie and Harley had gone crazy for exactly ten minutes because the strangeness of the day had finally caught up with them and they crashed on their pillows in the living room. He and Jensen had followed soon after, the ritual of going to bed helped calm Jared's nerves.

"I want to touch you all the time," Jared finally whispered back truthfully, curling onto his side and wrapping his arms up next to his chest. He might have Jensen's heart in the palm of his hands, but his heart was Jensen's just as much. "You make me crazy and sometimes it's all I can think of."

The idea of having Jensen as more than a friend had tortured him for weeks. It felt like he was going through a second puberty, his hormones were so out of control. He was just hoping that he wouldn't shoot up another six inches, because it was a little too late to change careers for the NBA.

"Then why won't you?" Jensen asked, his voice a deep and rough wash against Jared's skin. He held Jared's eyes, and the questions and doubts Jared saw made his stomach roll with nerves, "Why won't you let me touch you? I want too. I want to kiss you and I want you to touch me."

"Because that's all you've known," Jared said in a rush of air. He flopped to his back so he wouldn't have to see the moonlight reflect off Jensen's eyes. "I want to be your friend; I want you to have a choice. I want – I've wanted you to be able to go anywhere and be with anyone you choose. It's not right if you're only having sex with me because you think that you owe me."

That was really the sticking point for Jared, he'd thought that he'd known love. He would have sworn that Sandy loved him and that he loved her in return. That they were always going to be together, he'd even named their grandchildren in his daydreams, and just look how well that turned out. What he knew about love would fit into the world's smallest book. Who was he to think that Jensen would choose him if he had any other choice?

Jensen reached over and flicked him hard in the middle of the forehead.

"What?" Jared scowled, twisting and reached up to rub his fingers against the sting that Jensen's thump left. He was trying to have a serious conversation, and once again, he was obviously on a completely different wavelength than the person he was trying to connect with. That just seemed to be the story of his life.

"Oh nothing," Jensen said as he shook his head into the pillow and a wide grin spread across his face. He reached out again and soothed Jared's hair away from his eyes, his fingers cool against Jared's heating flesh, "You're just so sentimental. It's amazing to me that no one's eaten you alive yet."

"What?"

"It's okay," Jensen continued over Jared's confusion, and pushed against Jared's shoulder until they rolled over with Jensen half on top. He cocked his head and looked down at Jared with an amused glint to his eyes. "I'm here now, I'll protect you."

He was too surprised to put up much of a fight when Jensen lifted up his leg and shifted to straddle Jared's hips. Automatically, he cupped his palms over the sides of Jensen's hips and squeezed gently against the muscles and bone. Jensen leaned over, spread his hands out over Jared's chest, and shifted his weight down, rubbing their bodies together. There was no chance that he would say no to this again, that he'd ever make Jensen look as lost as he had when he'd been sitting alone on the wall that evening.

Jared arched up, his muscles contracting and curling up into Jensen's heat without conscious direction from any of his higher functions. Everywhere that Jensen touched him, his skin was on fire, but even that wasn't enough. He rolled them over, lifting his hands to cushion Jensen's head and neck as he laid him out across the bed. Jensen kept his legs flexed tight around Jared's waist and used his hands to pull Jared down into a hard kiss.

His hips jerked down, almost with a mind of their own as Jensen slid his tongue past his lips. Jared groaned and slipped his arms under Jensen so he could hold himself up enough to be able to rub their chests together. He sucked on Jensen's tongue, swallowing the small noises that escaped from both of them. Fingers tugged at his hair and Jensen's fingernails scraped gently against his scalp.

"Jensen," Jared said, breaking off their kiss and lowered his head so he could rest his cheek next to Jensen's. His chest contracted painfully, but he needed to make sure that that Jensen understood that he had a choice. Make sure that he knew Jared wasn't like those other men who had abused him. "You don't have to do this. You can stay as long as you want, or leave whenever you want. I won't try to stop you."

"As long as you don't run away again, I'm happy right here," Jensen answered, lifting his hips to grind the edge of his erection along Jared's answering hardness. He was already trying to pull down both their boxers with one hand while his other hand pushed Jared back so he could look at him in the face. "But I swear, if you do, and I die of blue balls, I'll haunt you and you'll never have sex again."

Jared pushed himself up on his knees, and quickly pulled the elastic of his boxers down over his hips and sank back down to kiss Jensen again. He felt good about kissing, knew he was a good kisser. He could probably kiss Jensen for every moment of every day for the rest of his life. Jensen didn't act like he'd mind at all.

It took more wiggling to remove Jensen's pajama pants since Jared was unwilling to let Jensen out from under him for even a few seconds. Jared could smell the raspberry shower gel that Jensen had last used, and couldn't suppress the desire to lick up the outside of Jensen's chest. Jensen shuddered, and his knees squeezed tightly together holding Jared immobile against him.

"God, Jared," Jensen whispered running his fingers over Jared's cheekbones and down to trace his lips. They were so close that Jared could almost count Jensen's individual eyelashes. "Why haven't we been doing this all along?"

Trying not to think about it, Jared turned his face into Jensen's palm and sighed, closing his eyes. He sucked Jensen's thumb into his mouth and eagerly lapped away the salty taste. Jensen rotated his wrist and curled his fingers under Jared's jaw. Jared moaned as Jensen pushed his thumb deeper into Jared's mouth and rolled his hips down against Jensen's thigh. His cock slipped wetly along Jensen's skin, and he could feel Jensen's dick twitch against his own hip.

Once he started rocking against the body underneath him, Jared couldn't stop. A low whine started in his chest and broke out around Jensen's thumb. He opened his eyes and watched Jensen deliberately lick his lips and start rolling his hips up to meet Jared's thrusts. Jensen pulled his thumb out of Jared's mouth and reached around to grab Jared by the ears and pull him down into an intense kiss.

The need to breathe was slowly snaking through his desire to never let go of Jensen's mouth, but every time he tried to pull away, Jensen caught him again and fused their lips together. His heart was pelting like a jackhammer in his chest, and his thigh muscles ached already at the repetitive motion. He couldn't think, couldn't move his fingers anymore than to clutch harder at Jensen's shoulders. He'd never felt anything like it before, and even his toes were curling with pleasure.

He could feel orgasm cresting up his body when Jensen finally jerked his head away and they both gasped for air. Jared shot off immediately; his chest was like a cavern and it took several tries to get air past his throat. Waves of sensation fractured his body until he trembled with it and buried his face in the pillow beside Jensen's neck. Jensen continued rutting against him until he stiffened and Jared felt another wash of hot spurt against his stomach.

Jared sighed heavily and rolled off to the side, keeping his arm across Jensen's chest and curling over his shoulder. His panting gradually slowed down and he realized that he'd been tracing patterns with his fingertips over Jensen's heart. "I, uh, sorry," Jared stuttered, pulling away from Jensen and standing up quickly. He winced, but was glad that Jensen had let him have a few minutes to pull himself together. "I'll just, um, go get a washrag."

"Jared," Jensen said, and started to reach out for him, but Jared ducked away and quickly made his way to his bathroom.

The bathroom lights flared to life, but it took Jared several seconds to look up at himself in the mirror. There weren't any discernible differences from the man he'd been yesterday, at least, none that he could see. Hell, he hadn't actually changed much from the kid he'd been at seventeen, just a little more bulky. He definitely didn't feel any more worldly than when his bedtime had been ten-thirty. Sex with a guy, sex with _Jensen_ , that didn't make him any different than he was that morning. He was still the same person who let Sandy stomp all over his heart for the better part of ten years.

She'd made all of his inadequacies perfectly clear.

"Hey," Jensen said as he slouched against the doorway, barely in view of the mirror. He crossed his arms over his chest, and met Jared's eyes with practiced nonchalance. For a second, they were back in his underground cell, "You regretting me already? I don't have any STDs if that's what you're worried about. They checked us regularly."

"Why would they," _bother_ , Jared started to ask, and then realized how awful that sounded just in his own head let alone in an echoing bathroom. Anyway, the last thing he regretted was anything to do with Jensen. "No, I don't regret anything about you."

Jensen gave him a wry smile and skirted behind him to pick up a clean washrag from the shelving. Jared stood still while Jensen closed the distance between them and reached around to the turn the tap on. It only took a moment for the water to run warm enough to dip the rag. He wrapped it around his fingers and started gently washing Jared's stomach. He kept one hand on Jared's shoulder blade and grounded them both against the cold bathroom floor.

"It wasn't for our benefit, I'm sure," he said, focusing entirely on making sure that he every stray drop of come off Jared. He was much less meticulous when he turned and started roughly swabbing himself. Jensen threw the rag against the bathtub, and it hit with a wet thwap and slid down to the drain. "Look, we don't have to do it again if you don't want. I'll understand."

"No, that's not. I do. Want to, it's just that," Jared reached for Jensen and leaned down to kiss him softly, just lips, trying to show what he couldn't tell. The thought that Jensen was just trying to give him an easy out crossed his mind, and he brutally shoved the thought to the back of his mind. He pulled back and let his eyes shift to the side. "I'll get better, you'll just have to tell me. Sandy, she-"

Jensen shut him up with another kiss, this one only slightly more fevered than the last. He buried his fingers in Jared's hair and brought their foreheads together before he said, "You know, I have the feeling that if I ever meet this 'Sandy', I'm not going to like her very much."

"Probably not," Jared whispered back, his lips brushing Jensen's as they moved. Really, he hoped that Jensen would never meet Sandy, because it was bad enough that he knew what an idiot he'd been, he didn't want Jensen to know for sure too. He didn't want to make the same mistakes that he had before. Maybe if he'd put in more effort, his relationship with Sandy wouldn't have turned out like it did. "Just tell me when I'm doing something stupid."

"You're doing something stupid," Jensen repeated, and Jared could feel him smiling before Jensen pressed their lips quickly together again. "Come on, I'm beat. Let's get some sleep."

Jared followed Jensen back to bed and let himself be arranged so that Jensen could lie with his head on Jared's shoulder and one thigh thrown possessively over Jared's legs. It was nice to relax into sleep like that, and it didn't take long at all for either of them to go to sleep. He didn't know about Jensen, but it was probably the best night's rest that he'd ever had.

When he woke up the next morning, Jensen was stretched out beside him with one arm flung over his head, and his mouth wide open. Jared smiled at the sight, his heart jumping when he realized that this could be the rest of his life. He closed his eyes again, resting his hand over Jensen's bellybutton and drowsed until Jensen kissed him back awake.

 

****

 

After the first night, they didn't bother to keep their hands to themselves. Jensen seemed to like everything that Jared was brave enough to try, and didn't mind when Jared touched him without any purpose except that he wanted too. It was a complete revelation for him to be able to put his hand on the small of Jensen's back or to hold hands when they went out for dinner or to see a movie. Slowly, he felt more confident around someone with as much experience as Jensen.

The paparazzi snapped a few pictures of them when they were out together. Neither one of them were very comfortable with the attention, but the media was focused on stars behaving badly so after an initial dust up, they were old news. Jared breathed a little easier when at least that one small secret became common knowledge.

The shower was no longer a safe zone, but Jared found that he didn't really mind when Jensen slipped under the water with him and rubbed his chest up to Jared's back. He barely walked through the front door before Jensen tackled him to the floor for a quick make-out session before dinner. He didn't have to worry about Jensen just going with the flow because Jensen initiated more than half the time, and he wasn't shy about asking for something he wanted or saying no to anything he didn't.

"Fuck me," Jensen gasped, taking Jared's hand and shoving it down between his thighs. He was already lying on pillows that lifted his hips up off the mattress, and his legs were splayed wide making Jared curl up next to him or risk being thrown to the floor. "Fuck me, Jare, I want you to."

Jared could hardly breathe, he was so tense worrying that he'd do something wrong. He fumbled the lube, and when he finally snapped the tip off, the goop gushed out all over his own stomach. He shot a quick look up at Jensen's face to see if he'd noticed Jared's clumsiness, but Jensen was staring at the ceiling tangling his fingers in Jared's hair. Concerned that Jensen was flashing back to a previous encounter, Jared leaned over and kissed the soft skin on the inside of Jensen's hipbone. Jensen's belly jumped underneath Jared's cheek and his fingers tightened against Jared's scalp, making him smile and press his face down, gently scratching with his day's worth of stubble.

"I'm fine, you know," Jensen said, and by now, Jared had known him long enough to detect the catch that meant his grumpiness was completely manufactured. He had about four different moods: grumpy, pretending to be grumpy, hungry, and horny. "I'm not going to break, or freak out, or anything else you keep imagining behind that bizarrely large forehead of yours. Believe me, I've taken worse."

Jared finally managed to coat his fingers against the slick under his own belly button and slid his hand down Jensen's thigh. "Yeah, I know," he answered, sucking in a breath as his fingers found Jensen's puckered opening. He let his fingers rest there, barely teasing with the slightest of pressure. "I know you have, but maybe I want to take my time and kiss you everywhere I want to."

The sheets underneath them bunched as Jared shifted, dragging his lips across the planes of Jensen's abs, pausing only to dip his tongue against the raised scars crisscrossing Jensen's flesh. He could feel Jensen trembling underneath him, as he took his time to cover Jensen's body. He rose to his knees, rubbing harder with his fingers, almost forcing his way inside before retreating to circle the entrance again. Jared could feel the ends of his hair dragging against Jensen's skin as he made his way up to lick over one of Jensen's tender nipples.

" _Fuck_ ," Jensen cursed, writhing against the bed, held down both by Jared's weight and the feather light touches against his ass. "You're killing me here."

His tongue felt dry and rough in his mouth as Jared kept licking his way up Jensen's body. He paused, lapping at the sheen of sweat collecting over Jensen's collarbone, but stopped short when his nose nudged the collar still around Jensen's neck. They both tensed together, but the second that Jared felt Jensen begin to pull away, he pushed his fingers inside Jensen's ass and licked up underneath the collar. Jensen groaned loudly, flexed his thigh against Jared's forearm and wrapped his arm across Jared's shoulders urging him closer.

Jared went gladly when he realized how concentrated Jensen's taste and smell were underneath the constricting collar. The tendons of Jensen's neck fought against the band, raising and leaving hollows for Jared's tongue to find. He worked his fingers deeper, curling and scissoring them against the tight heat he found. The odd leather of the collar added to the rough flavor and he couldn't get enough of it. He reached up with his other hand, caught his fingers underneath it, and tugged until the buckle was under his nose.

"Don't," Jensen started to say, and tried to jerk away.

"Trust me," Jared whispered, his lips moving against Jensen's Adam's apple. The smooth silver of the buckle was still cool where it didn't sit snuggly against the skin. At least it was until Jared breathed over it, tucking his nose under Jensen's jaw and closed his eyes, counting along with the pulse so close to his lips.

He wouldn't try to take off Jensen's collar, even as much as he longed to see Jensen's neck long and bared for him. It was just a reminder of all the things that he'd taken for granted that Jensen had never had, choice, freedom, and most importantly security. Jensen was touchy about it, tried to hide it underneath hoodies and jackets, and he'd never let Jared get so close to it before. Jared knew that when it came off it would be because Jensen took it off and not for any other reason. He wished it would be sooner rather than later, but he wasn't about to push Jensen about it.

It took several long moments before Jensen relaxed enough that Jared could continue to thrust his fingers in and out to loosen him up. He added another finger; it was a tight fit, and there wasn't quite enough lube, but Jensen stretched into it and made a sound that was half gasp half mewl and shook Jared with wanting. His own cock had never been harder, and he couldn't help rubbing up against the thin coarse hair on the top of Jensen's thigh.

"Please, please," Jensen whined, twisting his body in the tiny space Jared left him under his body. "I need you to-"

"Yeah, yeah," Jared answered, and lifted up his head to capture Jensen's lips in a bruising kiss. It was awkward trying to fit their noses together and still have the right angle to twist his fingers around and make Jensen keen out loud. He tried to pull away, but Jensen raised himself up following Jared's mouth and kissed again and again. Jensen liked kissing, and Jared was totally on board with indulging them both as much as possible.

Finally, Jensen flopped back down on the bed; the feather pillow bunched up around his head and somehow made him look much younger as he grinned up at Jared with a challenge in his eye. "C'mon then," he taunted, breathing heavy and showing his usual challenge as he pushed and pulled Jared until he was kneeling between Jensen's thighs. "Show me what you've got."

"Oh, I'll show you," Jared said, wiggling his fingers until he found the telltale spot that made Jensen thrash and curse. He rubbed the pads of his fingers against the spot again, and smiled as Jensen reached out for him. Jared pulled his fingers out and reached to grab Jensen's wrists, putting his weight behind the motion and swinging down to pin him against the bed.

"No!"

In a heartbeat, Jensen wrapped his legs around Jared's torso and rolled them to the side, jerking his hands free and slapping them down against Jared's shoulders. His eyes were wild, but he rolled his hips down rubbing their cocks together with mind-blowing friction, and completely derailed Jared's worry. Jensen's lifted up and reached down to grab Jared's cock in his hand. With one hand keeping it steady, he sat back, sinking down with a low moan until he was completely flush against Jared's hips.

Jared tried to buck up, but Jensen's weight kept him from moving any farther than he could simply flex. Jared groaned at the sensation, Sandy had never been much of a wrestler in bed, and she definitely didn't have the strength or mass to hold Jared down. He liked it. If the drumming burn working its way through his bones was any indication, he liked it a lot.

"M'sorry," he managed to say just as Jensen started slowly rocking up and down. His fingers scrabbled up Jensen's thighs and wrapped over the low knobs of hipbones. As he started to move, Jared gained enough leeway to rock his own hips up, flexing his legs as he dug his heels into the mattress.

Jensen panted, leaning down low and ran his hands down Jared's chest and sides. "Don't be," he whispered, gritting his teeth as their thrusting matched rhythm, sped up and grew rougher. Jensen's cock slapped up and down against Jared's lower belly every time he rose and fell. "Just move."

In all his life, Jared had only been with one woman and now with one man. He never told anyone, doubted if even Sandy had realized especially since he knew that she'd had her flings while they were still together. It had hurt when he had first found out, but by the time they'd moved out to LA he had perfected the art of looking the other way. She never actually left, was always in his bed at the end of the day, and he had thought that would be enough.

Now, watching Jensen ride his cock, he knew that Jensen had the power to break him more surely and completely than anyone else on the face of the planet. A shiver of fear traced its way past his heart, but he shoved it away and gave Jensen all of his attention. It was nothing less than they both deserved.

 

****

 

Jensen delighted in dragging Jared out to watch his new friends play in their band. _Kane_ did a free show out in the park once a month as part of a community outreach program, but the rest of the time, they did a circuit of several bars while they waited to be discovered. Jared still wasn't completely sure how Jensen had met Chris, or what he'd said about the collar he always wore, but he was happy that Jensen had someone to talk to.

In the last two weeks, they had caught four shows. Jared didn't really mind, going to the show meant that he only had to share Jensen in between sets, and the rest of the time he could kick back with a beer and watch Jensen enjoy himself. When they met in the afternoon, Jensen and Chris shared a bond like they'd been friends for years instead of weeks. Chris seemed like a good ole boy from back home, and Jared got along with him well enough, but what Jared _really_ wanted to do would get them arrested for public indecency.

As if he felt Jared's eyes, Jensen looked up from the coke he was drinking and caught Jared staring. Deliberately, he licked around the rim of the glass and then across his lower lip collecting the condensation that the glass had left behind. His eyelids lowered as he looked over at Jared with half a smile, knowing exactly what he was doing to push Jared's buttons.

All the beer Jared had drank was starting to work its way down his veins, and made him slow and loose. The back of his neck was hot and damp, and he could feel his hair start to curl over the back of his shirt collar. The heat was turning inside, he was boiling alive, and all he wanted to do was push Jensen's thighs apart and sink to his knees between them. The thought had barely crossed his mind when Jensen reached out and splayed his hand across Jared's chest. Maybe he'd said it out loud?

"Whoa there, cowboy," Jensen said, his voice husky and low enough that Jared could barely hear him over the noise. Obviously, Jared needed to get closer, so he leaned forward but miscalculated the distance and ended up with his nose pressed against Jensen's cheek. He could feel Jensen laughing, and smiled with him, "You are so wasted."

"Yup," Jared agreed happily and sloppily mouthed over Jensen's skin until he found Jensen's ear and sucked the bottom into his mouth. He felt Jensen's groan as much as heard it and slipped his arm around Jensen's waist, finding the bottom of his t-shirt and slipping his hand underneath. "I'm really, really, really, really, really, really, really. . . Wait, what am I?"

Jensen heaved and the next thing Jared knew they were both standing, even if he was leaning heavily on Jensen to do so. He felt like he was floating, all the water in his body sloshed from side to side as if he were on a boat in the middle of the ocean. His brain was definitely floating in his head, and he was so tired that he just had to close his eyes for a second. He'd really like to just curl up with Jensen, just the two of them for the rest of eternity.

"Jared, hey, stay with me," Jensen said loudly and shook Jared hard by the shoulders. Jared tried to open his eyes, he really did, but his eyelids weighed about a thousand pound each. Jensen sighed heavily and slapped Jared across the cheek.

"'m awake, stop hittin' me," he mumbled and reached up so he could push his head off Jensen's shoulder. He had to concentrate very hard, but eventually he managed to open his eyes, "Hey, how'd we get outside?"

At least it was mildly cooler outside where the breeze could reach him. He didn't remember they last time that he'd been so drunk, usually he was the designated driver so that Sandy could get sloppy and hang over whomever she was trying to woo for the night. He definitely didn't remember ever feeling so disconnected from everything. Really, he was just proud that he realized that he was losing time.

"Mostly, I carried your heavy ass," Jensen said and reached up to grab Jared's chin and force his face down to look him straight in the eye. They were in a small recess of the building, brick obscuring them from prying eyes. "Your pupils look like they came from a different galaxy, man. Wait here, and I'll go get us a taxi."

"You'll come back, right?"

Jensen had barely taken two steps away, and he was back, pressed up against Jared in just a second. Fingers tangled almost painfully in Jared's hair as Jensen tipped his head up to kiss him breathless again. Jensen pulled back just far enough that Jared could almost focus on him and said, "Of course I'll come back. There isn't anywhere else I'd rather be."

"Promise?" Jared asked, for once in his life, not embarrassed to ask for a little reassurance.

"I swear it," Jensen said and leaned forward again to press his lips to Jared's in a chaste kiss. Then, he leaned back, poked Jared hard in the chest and added, "But you stay right here in this spot, okay? Do not move an inch."

"'kay," Jared agreed happily. Jensen really did like him, if he didn't, then now would have been the best time for him to slip away, but he wasn't. Or at least, he was going to come back for Jared and that was good enough.

He blinked, or maybe had his eyes shut a little longer and Jensen was gone again. It took him a few minutes to remember that Jensen had gone after a taxi. He'd probably gone back inside the bar to call one, since it was so late. There were only a few other people out still on the street, but none of them were paying any attention to him.

The brick wall scratched at his back as he pushed off of it, taking a few staggering steps toward the light post. A flash of yellow caught his eye from out in the street, and he immediately turned slipping between two parked cars. He'd flag down the taxi, and Jensen would be happy. Then they could go home and he could undress Jensen like he'd wanted to all night.

"Jared!"

Jared turned, and got caught in the high beams from a car headed right for him. The light nearly blinded him and he threw an arm up over his eyes as he cried out. Something slammed into him and sent him sliding painfully across the pavement, just in time to miss the speeding car. He heard tires squeal somewhere off to his right, but he was distracted by the weight pressing down on his body.

"Jared! Jare, are you okay?"

Slowly, Jensen's face swam into focus, peering down at Jared with his lips pursed and eyebrows drawn together. "Hey," Jared smiled reaching up to soothe away the wrinkles on Jensen's forehead. "You came back!"

"Of course I did, you idiot," Jensen growled and quickly ran his hands across the back of Jared's skull and down over his neck. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "Jesus, you scared the shit out of me."

"Sorry," Jared said, and let his head fall to the side. Jensen looked really upset, and Jared never wanted Jensen to look like that. "Look, I found the taxi!"

Jensen shook his head and chuckled weakly, sliding off Jared, but catching his hands to pull him up. "Good job, Jare," he said and hooked his arm around Jared's waist to help steer him.

 

****

 

Jared woke up in his own bed with his head and body hurting more than they had ever hurt in his whole life. Every movement sent pain jarring through his system, and he swore to himself that he'd never drink again. Never ever. He reached over, hoping that cuddling back into Jensen would take some of the ache away, but the other side of the bed was empty, cold as if it hadn't been occupied in some time.

Even in pain, Jared was scared wide awake. Jensen never got up before Jared in the mornings, or even when they napped together in the afternoons. He liked sleeping too much to get up before he absolutely had to and often, Jared had to resort to bribery and blowjobs before Jensen would open both eyes at once. Now that Jensen wasn't there, his heart skipped, and his stomach lurched, and neither symptom had anything to do with his hangover.

He got up, making his limbs cooperate with each other and his brain even when they would rather have splayed out on their own. Looking down, he could see large scrapes over his forearms and bruises down his thighs. Jared managed to wobbly make his way over to his desk chair to pick up his robe before he walked out to the hallway and the living room. He could see that the coffee maker was on in the kitchen but Jensen was nowhere in sight.

The second most likely place to find Jensen in the relatively cool morning air was out on the patio. Jared could see him when he turned around to look through the sliding glass door. Jensen stiffened just the slightest when Jared opened the door, but didn't move away from leaning against the railing. He was wearing a pair of Jared's sweats, and the material spilled down completely covering his feet.

Jared cleared his throat and joined Jensen, looking out over his bit of neighborhood. Their building was the tallest for a couple of blocks and Jared had the top third all to himself. He looked over at Jensen squinting in the bright sunshine and said, "Hey."

"Hey, yourself," Jensen answered, taking a sip of his coffee. He had his leg lifted and his bare foot wedged in between the ornamental bars. He would have looked completely at ease if the hard line of his shoulders hadn't betrayed him. He blinked slowly against the glare, "So, you said some stuff last night."

"I, oh," Jared stammered, his face coloring automatically. No wonder Jensen was so standoffish, Jared had probably done something amazingly stupid like confess his heart and soul and Jensen didn't know how to let him down easy. There he went again, managing to screw up the best thing that ever happened to him.

Jensen turned suddenly and made a dismissive gesture in the air between then, but didn't actually look over from his intense study of the skyline. "It's fine," he said, sounding tired, and Jared wondered if Jensen had even gone to bed last night. Normally he'd sleep nine hours a night if Jared let him, "You were drunk or roofied or something. You're not responsible for anything you said."

"What I said," Jared started to say, and paused to wrap his fingers over Jensen's so that he could lift the mug and steal a sip before Jensen could pull away. He sensed that he had a chance, and he didn't want to regret any more missed chances. "What I said, was it a good thing?"

"Yeah, it was a-," Jensen began and then blushed and had to clear his throat before he could continue. "I didn't mind hearing it."

Smiling, Jared suddenly didn't feel like five different kinds of death warmed over. Even if Jensen didn't feel the same way, maybe he didn't mind that Jared did. He weaved his hand under Jensen's so he could wrap his arm around Jensen's waist and hug him closer. "In that case," Jared said, slouching a little so he could rest his still pounding head on Jensen's shoulder, "I'm glad that I said it."

He was happy that he didn't have anywhere particular to be that day. Standing with Jensen was just about the most perfect thing he could imagine doing in the late morning sunshine. If he really had told Jensen that he loved him, then it was almost as if the ice was already broken, now he just had to wait for an appropriate moment to say it while they were both lucid. Maybe he really would finally get his happily ever after.

"I remembered what happened to my family," Jensen said quietly, lifting his hand up to Jared's neck as he turned his head so he could press his face into Jared's hair. "There was an accident. The car was completely destroyed. I remember burning metal and shattered glass. I was the only one who survived. I was in a foster house for almost a year before a man named Kripke came for me."

Jared tightened his hold when he felt Jensen shudder against him, but didn't try to move otherwise. He couldn't imagine his family dead, he didn't see them as much as he'd like to, but to know that he'd never be able to see them again would be the most horrible feeling ever. He wished that Jensen could have remembered something happier, something that would have given him hope.

"I was ten," Jensen continued. "He took me out to his ranch with about half a dozen other boys. It was secluded, no chance for escape for any of us kept there, and he trained us. I was there for eight years, learning everything I know about fighting and fucking, before he sold me to someone else who eventually sold me to Welling."

"I'm sorry," Jared said simply, aching and letting a tear slide down his nose.

"Thank you," Jensen said and nudged Jared around so his back was to the railing and Jensen could bracket him in with both arms and legs. He leaned in and kissed Jared sharply, it turned hard and almost violent. Jensen was demanding, angry, "You've got to be more careful, Jared. I don't know what I'd do without you."

It was only then, Jared remembered his near brush with death the night before, and warmth bloomed in him chest. Jensen had saved his life and wanted to stay with him. He'd carried with him the fear that one day Jensen would remember his old life and leave but now he could let it drop away. He wrapped both arms around Jensen and held on tight.

  


 

#

 

  


Jared backed through the doorway, carrying shopping bags in one hand and a satchel full of scripts over his other shoulder. The dogs were barking, which wasn't anything new, but they weren't underneath his feet like usual and he wondered what Jensen was up to. He really hoped that he wasn't in for a repeat of the cellophane incident, because as sexy as that was, he didn't really want Jensen to get any more ideas from _Fried Green Tomatoes_. He finally managed to juggle his burdens, turn around and kick the door shut behind him, but when he looked up, he nearly dropped everything anyway.

"Hello, sweetheart. Surprised to see me?" Sandy asked, as a cold smile licked across his face. She sat, in a deceptive sprawl across the couch, but he knew that her limbs were arranged precisely to show her features off to a prime advantage. She looked even skinnier and tanner than when she'd left.

She was wearing a slinky red dress that hugged all the right places, and he should have been able to appreciate her beauty, but Jared only looked at her eyes. They were cold, and he couldn't remember if they'd always been that way or if he just noticed now that he could compare them to Jensen's warmth. She didn't do anything for him anymore but remind him of how stupid he'd been for too many long years. Though he couldn't even wish that he'd wised up sooner, because then, he might not have met Jensen.

The dogs started howling the moment she started to talk, and took away the fear that she'd finally managed to lose them for good. The noise echoed from further in the house, letting Jared guess that they were locked up in the bathroom. "What are you doing here?" he asked as his tongue raced ahead of his brain, which was trying to come up with something smooth, something to let him get the upper hand for once.

Gracefully, Sandy rose off the couch and moved toward him, gliding over the carpet in her four-inch heels like she'd been born in them. "Come on now, Jare, I might be your ex-girlfriend, but that doesn't mean I don't care anymore," she said, her voice syrup sweet as she closed the distance between them. She ran her hands up his chest and laced her fingers together behind his neck. "I wanted to see how you were doing."

"Fine, just fine," he stuttered as her fingernails scratched gently up his scalp. He didn't for a second believe her, but it was hard not to fall into old habits. By the old script, he would have put his hands down around her hips and lifted her up for a quick peck on the lips. Instead, his skin crawled where she touched him, and he knew that he'd go take the hottest shower he could stand as soon as she was out of his sight.

"I'll bet," she narrowed her eyes and scowled at him, the expression twisting her face so that it was almost unrecognizable. Here was the viper that he'd let sleep in his bed for almost six years. "Heard you went out and bought yourself a new friend to play house with. I guess that was the only way you could convince someone to stay with you."

He shoved her away, hard enough that she tripped and would have gone hard to the floor if she hadn't caught herself on the edge of the couch. He could only stare for a moment; he never could have imagined that he had that much anger in him. He was disgusted at himself that he let her get to him so much that he would behave so badly. "I want you to leave," Jared demanded, glaring at her and stepping aside to clear the path between her and the door. "Now."

"Oh, come now Jared," she sneered, standing up straight again and smoothing out nonexistence wrinkles from her dress. "You sound kind of cranky, is your blow up doll not putting out? You know, I should have figured out much earlier that you swung for the other team, I always did wear the pants in the relationship."

Jared shuffled his feet before he could stifle the urge, her words cutting a little close to his own fears. It wasn't that he didn't know how to assert himself, it was just that it was easier to let Sandy be the windbreak and follow in her wake. Jensen and he seemed to take turns jerking each other into the lead, with no clear idea which of them was the one giving in or making concessions. Maybe he really was just a doormat, and he lied to himself about it just being the polite thing to do.

She saw him flinch and smiled victoriously. "You know," she said and lifted her eyebrows, "I'm surprised that even a whore like him would stay with someone as pathetic as you. He must really be working an angle, but you'd probably never realize that you were literally being screwed over. Maybe if you'd been kinky enough to take it in the ass years ago, we wouldn't have had so many problems."

"We didn't have problems until we came out here, Sandy," he said, getting angry again that she wasn't content with ruining his life once, but wanted to walk into his door and do it again. She couldn't stand to see something as precious as what he and Jensen had without trying to take it or destroy it. "And we could have worked through them if you'd cared just a little bit more."

"Oh, baby," Sandy smirked and pursed her lips, looking up at him. "You really are dumb as a rock, aren't you? You know, Mike thought it was an act at first, but when I started fucking him right under your nose he realized it wasn't. He wasn't the first you know. Back in high school, I did half the varsity squad. And in college, I was about to break up with you for your roommate when you hit it big."

His stomach dropped out and a roar filled his ears. Jared had known that something had changed between him and Sandy in the recent years, but he'd never suspected that it went back that far. He'd never thought she'd be capable of being so angry and hateful. He looked at her, saw the triumph in her eyes and asked, "Why?"

"Because I like it here," she answered, and spun in a slow circle with her arms outstretched. "This is the kind of city that I was born to live in: pretty people and pretty things covering up the ugly of the world. But to live here you need money and power and you were perfectly willing to take that away from me. Well, we'll see how you like it."

She brushed past him on the way to the door, and he didn't even have the energy to recoil. On the threshold, she turned and paused, looking him up and down. "I can't believe that I wasted so much time on you," she said and leaned against the doorframe. "You're useless, and it's only a matter of time before Jensen realizes it too. He's an even better actor than I am, in bed or out of bed. I wonder if you'll even realize that he's already left you. Goodbye Jared, I'm sure I'll see you again soon."

The smell of her expensive perfume lingered in the air, and he stood still, shocked until the sounds of the dogs' claws against the door broke into his reverie. They burst through the door and headed straight for their empty food dishes. Jared followed and snorted, that was just about fitting for the day he'd just had. Unconditional love was his, but only as long as the food supply never ran out.

Her words haunted him for the rest of the afternoon as he walked around in a stupor. Jensen burst through the door more excited than Jared had ever seen because Chris let him sing back up vocals while his band was recording in the studio. He couldn't bear to derail Jensen's happiness, so he didn't tell Jensen about Sandy. He kept his mouth shut and Jensen didn't notice when his smile faltered or didn't quite reach his eyes. All night it was 'Chris this' and 'Chris that' and if Jared had his way, he'd never have to see that smug, boyfriend-stealing cowboy again.

For the first time since they'd started having sex, Jared pretended to be too tired for any of their usual antics. Jensen was very understanding; he stroked his hand down Jared's chest murmuring quietly. In the end, Jared rolled over away from Jensen's comfort and stared at the wall long into the night. Even with Jensen curled tightly against his back he couldn't stop wondering if Sandy was right, why would someone like Jensen stay with someone like him?

 

****

 

As if Sandy's presence remained even after she left, remaining like her scent, his relationship with Jensen took a sudden downturn. It was as if he couldn't stop himself even when he knew that he was being an asshole. When he opened his mouth, it was Sandy's voice and her demands that fell from his lips.

It started with small things, what he wanted for dinner, and what he wanted to watch on TV, but that turned out to only be the beginning. He could feel his desperation to keep Jensen close to him swelling through his chest, but instead of taking a step back and looking at their situation rationally, he became horribly jealous of every second that Jensen spent away from him.

Jensen never complained. Sometimes Jared caught Jensen looking at him like he'd just grown a second head, but Jensen never actually said anything. He put up with Jared's demands that he always know where Jensen was going or who he was going to be with. If anything, he became even more tactile, just curled up tightly against Jared and rested his head against Jared's shoulder. It made Jared feel even more like a lowlife.

He knew that Jensen liked to go out during the day, especially when Jared was busy courting directors and sucking up for parts. Samantha promised that it would get better, but Mike had really screwed him over and it was taking longer than she thought to take care of the problem. Neither of them had thought Mike had that kind of money or pull, but he managed to be everywhere they wanted to go first, spreading his poison and giving them little choice in part selection.

It wasn't like he didn't have anything to do, but somehow Jared ended up doubling back a couple of days out of his week to follow Jensen wherever he'd go during the day. He wanted to trust Jensen, he really did, but anytime he wasn't one hundred percent focused, that fiasco with Sandy kept playing through his head. It was just that he needed to _know_ if Jensen was cheating and fucking around behind his back. He needed to see with his own eyes, and then he'd be able to either put it out of his mind or confront Jensen the way he never did with Sandy. He wasn't going to make the same mistake again.

Mostly Jensen hung out with Christian Kane and his band, even when they were off for the day. Chris was trying to get Jensen to agree to sing back up vocals for actual gigs while Steve was out of town but Jensen was having none of it. Apparently the studio was one thing, but real live people were totally different. Even though Jared had originally got along well with the rest of them, he quickly started hating them for being such a friendly guys when he was stuck on a never-ending cycle of jerkdom.

It was pretty awkward too, trying to stay out of sight in a place where he could hear what was going on. He found out quickly that there weren't too many places for a guy that was six foot four to hide in. People kept looking at him like he was crazy, and every day he felt like he was inching closer to the edge. One afternoon, he got stuck underneath a bush for three hours while the band treated Jensen to lunch and a conversation about love at first sight.

"You just _know_ , you know," Kane said, gesturing wildly over a table cramped with half eaten sandwiches and bags of potato chips. "You look across that smoky bar room and you see that set of eyes that's been on you all night, and you just know."

The bass player leaned over and hit Kane hard in the shoulder, laughing, "Right, Chris, and that only happens to you what? Five or six times a night?"

"Shut up, man, you're ruining the mood," Kane shot back, reaching over Jensen's shoulders to smack the bass player over the back of his head. When he sat back, he left his hand on Jensen, making Jared growl to himself, and asked, "What about you Jen? Any stories of love or loss to share?"

"I never really thought about it much," Jensen finally said after Kane had teased him into a beet red color and convinced him to spill his guts. "It wasn't anything that I was ever going to have, so why torture myself thinking about it? Then I met Jared and he, well he makes me happy. I can't imagine life without him in it."

All Jared could do was stay in the mulch and fertilizer and quote lines from _Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail_. Fucking shrubbery. His hands turned red and swollen, and he'd never been more miserable in his life, including the time he lost his pants underneath the bleachers during the Homecoming game his senior year. That had been a prank that he'd never lived down, especially since talk shows kept bringing it up for a cheap laugh.

So there he was, the scum of the earth, spying on his -well whatever Jensen was to him even if he couldn't quite get his mind wrapped around the concept of 'boyfriends' - and he didn't think it was possible for him to feel worse about himself than he already did. When Jensen found out how Jared had let Sandy get to him, Jensen was going to make him pay, and he'd totally deserve it. Then, _she_ came in and his worst fears were realized.

Jared had promised himself that it was the last day he was going to spy on Jensen. Jensen had more than proved his loyalty, while Jared proved that he deserved to have bamboo shoots shoved underneath his fingernails. Afterwards, he'd go home, apologize for his shitty behavior during the last two weeks and make it up to Jensen. And he was never going to think of Sandy again. And they were going to be happy again.

He was hiding behind a menu in the very back corner of a deli's outside patio that Jensen seemed to really enjoy. The wait staff had been giving him strange looks and edging around him for the last ten minutes, making him shuffle in his chair uncomfortably. He couldn't help noticing that since Jensen had overcome his reluctance to eat anything that Jared hadn't specifically given him, he liked to try something new every time he went out. Jensen needed him less and less with every day. He should have been happy, but it just added to his anxiety and fear that he'd end up alone again.

Jensen had his back to him, sitting alone at a table, and Jared had almost decided just to go over and pretend that he had finished early for the day when a woman slid into the seat across from Jensen. She was dark like Sandy, but her face was narrower and she wasn't quite as curvy. She was beautiful, he noticed in a detached way as she flicked her hair and flirted shamelessly with Jensen. He felt his blood start to boil and when he heard Jensen's loud laughter a moment later he managed to bend the butter knife he'd been toying with completely in half.

 

****

 

"So, did you have fun today?" Jared asked roughly, trying and failing to get the muscles in his back to unclench enough that he could finish chopping the vegetables for the stir-fry he was fixing for dinner. He'd had a headache all afternoon, and his stomach had been rolling like the morning after the worst hangover of his life.

Jensen leaned back against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest as he watched Jared move angrily around the kitchen. He'd already been rebuffed in his attempts to fool around so he was keeping his hands to himself as if he was worried that Jared might take the chopping knife to them next. "It was okay," he said slowly, and Jared could hear his bewilderment easily. "I'd rather that you were around more though."

Jared finished with the vegetables, some of which looked more mashed to a pulp than sliced and diced, and threw the small cleaver forcefully into the sink, making Jensen jump in surprise. "I'll just bet you do," he snarled, feeling a well of desperation opening up in his chest. He really wanted to just shut his mouth and take Jensen to bed, but something inside him just clicked and refused to be used as a doormat anymore. It was the end of his world, and he definitely didn't feel fine.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jensen said, growing heated and getting just as angry as Jared. He opened up his arms and gestured between them. "What the hell is your problem, man? You bring me here, treat me like I'm the second coming until you get in my pants and then decide that I'm a piece of crap? What is that? What did I do wrong?"

Violence was seeping out of every pore in between them, but Jared couldn't even think of the danger of provoking someone who had been trained to kill in anger. "That's rich," he snarled, advancing until he had to cock his head down to get right in Jensen's face. "That's really rich coming from you. Dude, I saw you! Don't lie to me."

"Saw me what?" Jensen asked quietly, somehow managing to pull back from the brink of disaster and speak calmly against Jared's fury. He reached out a tentative hand and placed his palm over Jared's heart. "What's going on? You don't talk to me anymore. I thought – you said that we were friends."

Jared felt himself twitch in response and closed his eyes, purposefully bringing up the memory of Jensen walking away with the woman from the deli with his hand on the small of her back. He hadn't bothered to follow them, couldn't have made himself get up even if he'd wanted to. Everything he thought he and Jensen had made together went up in smoke in front of his face. It was like Sandy all over again, but this time he didn't think he'd make it out the other side with his soul still intact.

"Yeah, well friends don't cheat on each other," he yelled, wrenching away from both Jensen's touch and the pull he felt just to fall to his knees in front of Jensen and beg him not to leave. "You think I don't know what you do when I'm gone? Think I don't know you're letting Kane fuck you. Probably their entire crappy band. Not to mention random bimbos you pick up in the middle of the street!"

"What the fuck?" Jensen asked and grabbed Jared's arm to spin him around and throw him back against the counter, pinning him in place with both his muscle and his eyes. His grip was enough to hurt, iron that could leave bruises if he squeezed just a little bit harder. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"You're screwing them, when I'm the one who…" Jared snapped his mouth shut over the words. He wasn't about to give Jensen more ammunition to use against him. He wouldn't tell Jensen that even now, angry and betrayed, he still loved him. Loved him more than anything.

Jensen's eyes took on a dangerous glint and he pulled himself up to his full height and glared at Jared. "When you're the one who what?" he repeated, his voice low and dangerous, with just the barest hint of a razor blade peeking through. "When you're the one that bought me? You own me, and now you want me to start acting like the good little sex slave?"

Jared flinched away, cursing himself that he'd turned into something that Jensen would be able to think that about. His anger shriveled in the face of Jensen's more righteous rage. He blinked widely and reached out, but Jensen deflected his hands with sharp blows to his wrists.

"You can't have it both ways Jared," Jensen growled, pushing so that the counter bit hard into Jared's back. "Either I get to make my own decisions, or I'm your property. Either you trust me or you shackle me to your bed. I'm not just some stray dog you picked up at the shelter because you felt bad for me."

"Jensen," Jared started, but Jensen had already backed off. The look he gave Jared was full of hurt and anger as he retreated out of the kitchen. A few seconds later he jumped as the front door slammed shut with a ferocious bang.

He grabbed the cutting board off the counter and tossed the whole thing, vegetables and all in the nearby trashcan. He kicked the edge of the refrigerator and grunted in pain as the shock spiked up to his knee. Sinking down on the floor, Jared let his head fall into his hands as he tried to keep himself from falling completely apart.

 

****  
  
****

 

Jared startled awake, cursing softly at the pangs that kinked through his back muscles. He'd fallen sideways over the edge of the couch when he'd fallen asleep waiting for Jensen to come back home. He hadn't eaten or turned on the TV or done much of anything except pet Sadie's head when she worried her nose under his hand. The time spent in the increasing darkness of the living room gave him the uncomfortable space to think about his actions.

He'd deserved everything that Jensen had shoved in his face. He deserved much more than that, Jensen should have decked him one when he'd first started his campaign to win dickwad of the year. Jared knew that he was going to be groveling for a long time trying to make up for the hurt in Jensen's eyes, but he'd do it gladly if Jensen would just come back. He didn't care if he ever made another movie again, he'd get a job at Starbucks if he had to, just as long as he could have Jensen.

The pounding on the front door made him jump again, and he lifted his fists to rub at his eyes as he stood and stretched just enough so he could walk to the door without limping. Jensen had his own key, and a quick look at the clock on the DVD player told him that it was late enough not to be a social call from anyone else. It took him several long moments to make his fingers work to unlock the deadbolt and pull open the door. It was just a good thing that he wasn't standing directly behind it because the second he turned the knob, the door crashed backwards and banged against the side table.

Jared blinked in the sudden flood of light from the hallway landing, especially when he realized that it was none other than Christian Kane pushing past him into the apartment. Maybe he was having a nightmare, indigestion turned into the ghost of Christmas past come to show him the error of his ways.

"What the hell?"

Kane turned and glared, balling his hands into fists and resting them on the edge of his hips. "I don't have time for your bullshit, Padalecki," he growled and reached up to run his fingers through his wild hair. He looked like he'd driven like a bat out of hell with the windows down. "Jensen is in trouble."

"Jensen?" Jared's heart leapt up in his throat as he shut the door and took a step closer to Kane. He could feel his hands shaking and roughly shoved them into his pockets before Kane could notice. "What happened to Jensen? Where is he?"

Kane let out a breath and walked deeper into the apartment, found the kitchen and turned the light on, "He showed up at my place this evening and started throwing back shots like a man possessed."

"I didn't think Jensen drank," Jared said slowly, following in Kane's wake to the kitchen. Actually, he knew Jensen didn't drink. Every time he'd offered a beer, he'd been turned down, and anytime Jared had followed Jensen out, he'd only ordered water to go with his meal. There was an old hurt in there somewhere, but if Jensen even knew what it was, he wasn't saying.

"He didn't," Kane confirmed, turning and looking at Jared pointedly before he went back to making himself at home, fixing a pot of coffee. "But he was real torn up about something, and I'm guessing you know why."

Jared blushed in shame and moved to the counter across the kitchen to pull two mugs out of the cabinet. He cleared his throat as he set the cups down at Kane's elbow, "All right, so what happened? Where is he? Is he okay?"

Kane sighed and stretched down over the counter just as the coffee pot started to hiss. "He was pissed off, then he was drunk and pissed. He talked a lot of shit, but he was going to let me bring him back here so you two could work through whatever," he waved a hand to encompass his idea of whatever 'whatever' was, and straightened. He looked Jared in the eye for the first time since he barged in. "Look, I'm sorry man, I took my eyes off of him for ten seconds top and when I turned back he disappeared into a black van that peeled rubber getting away."

In his mind's eye, he could see it happening. Jensen, still reeling from their fight, drunk and confused and alone was completely defenseless. The van pulled up out of nowhere and in his imagination, he saw Welling's bastard smile flash through the front window while his goons manhandled Jensen in the back. He should have known that it had been too easy to free Jensen, and he'd completely forgotten about the watchers. Welling had probably laughed his ass off at Jared the entire time.

Kane stayed quiet as Jared let his hands drop and turned to walk down the hallway. His bedroom, their bedroom, was empty. The bed was still made from that morning, and even their dirty clothes were up off the floor and in the hamper. There was no sign that he didn't live there all alone. No sign that there had ever been anyone else there at all. Jensen was gone.

He was really gone.

 

****

 

"He wouldn't have gone if he had a choice," Jared said when he marched back into the kitchen. After a moment rolling in self-pity, Jared snapped back to himself with a jolt. Jensen needed him. Needed him to get him again, and not to screw it up this time because they loved each other. Jared was going to tell Jensen that he loved him and trusted him, and keep telling and showing him until Jensen believed it.

Kane rolled his eyes and took a sip from his steaming mug of coffee. "No shit, Sherlock. Do you know who would take him?" Now that Jared was actually looking at Kane, Jared could see how rough he looked and felt a twinge of guilt for every time he had badmouthed or otherwise slighted Kane's character. He was genuinely concerned for Jensen.

"Yeah, I've got a good idea," Jared answered, slinging his address book on the table and flipping through it looking for Chad's number. He held up his hand to ward off Kane's questions and picked up the phone to dial.

"Hello?"

"Chad, it's Jared," he said, shifting the phone to his other shoulder. So maybe Chad wasn't really the first person that anyone should call in an emergency, but Jared had the beginnings of a plan in place. He couldn't call the police, Welling would find out and Jensen would be as good as dead before Jared could get anywhere close. It was just a chance that he couldn't take yet.

The phone line crackled a little and he heard Chad shout something away from the phone before the background noise dropped considerably. "Hey, you finally get around to that double date?" he asked, laughing obnoxiously as if he'd just made the best joke in the world.

"No," Jared said quickly before Chad could go off on a tangent, and ignored Kane's raised eyebrow. It was either really late, or really early, but he'd figured that Chad would still be up and mostly coherent since rumor had it that most of his parties didn't start until well after midnight anyway. "But I do need your help, man."

"Cool," Chad answered, "Is it dangerous, illegal, or likely to end in naked twins swimming in jello shots?"

"Well, two out of three at least," Jared answered grimly and started to rifle through his junk drawer for some duct tape. He was working on pure instinct now, and he could only hope that Jensen had been taken back to the warehouse and not to some place new. Either way, he knew that he wouldn't be able to do much on his own. "I need you to go to this address and help cause a distraction."

"Lucky for you, buddy," Chad replied, smarm easy to hear in his tone, "'distraction' is my middle name."

Jared chuckled humorlessly and rattled off the address to Welling's warehouse where he'd met Jensen just a couple of short months ago. "Just hang out there and wait for me," he said before he hung up the phone and turned back to Kane. He still had another call to make, and it would probably take over an hour to get them back to the warehouse. Every second that slipped away from him was a second that he should have been spending curled around Jensen.

"When you say 'Chad'," Kane started slowly, his voice lowered into a growl, "do you mean Chad Michael Murray?"

"Yeah," Jared answered, drawing out the word, somehow he doubted that if Kane knew Chad it was because they'd been bunkmates at summer camp. The sheer number of people that Chad had managed to piss off in his relatively short lifetime never ceased to amaze Jared.

"Well, Jesus Christ, isn't it a small fucking world?" Kane shook his head, but his expression was rueful instead of angry as he rolled his shoulders to loosen then up. "Ran into him at a show, real piece of work, if I'm remembering right. Well, at least I'll have a little bit of fun out of tonight."

Jared grabbed his keys from the ceramic ashtray his little sister had made for him and started for the door before he turned back for a second. He let himself sigh and shut his eyes, feeling the pain he was trying so hard to squash into the back of his mind. "I have to get him back, Kane. I don't think I can live without him anymore," he said, barely recognizing the broken voice as his own.

"We'll get him back," Kane's eyes glittered just as dangerously as Jared felt, and he knew that Jensen was that one in a million kind of man who made friends more loyal than anything.

He just hoped that it would be enough.

 

****

 

"Murray!"

Jared watched from the shadows as Kane lumbered up and shoved Chad hard from the back. The wide-eyed look on Chad's face might have been funny under other circumstances, but Jared's palms itched horribly in anxiety and all he wanted was to see Jensen alive and breathing. Their plan such as it was, included distracting the guards so that Jared could get inside. They knew something was happening inside the warehouse, but it wasn't the normal scene because the bouncers were turning people away claiming the night was a private party.

"You ruined my sister's life!" Kane yelled, curling his fists in Chad's jacket and getting right up in the other man's face.

"You're going to have to be a little more specific, dude," Chad said not even trying to wiggle out of Kane's grasp. Instead, he stayed limp but raised his forearms in a shrug. "I've ruined a lot lives, sisters and otherwise."

One of the two bouncer security guards elbowed the other and looked over with growing interest in the otherwise empty street. Kane made sure to pitch his voice so that it carried, and steered them toward the entrance to the warehouse. He needed to draw the bouncer away far enough that Jared could slip past them and into the building. He felt bad about using Chad, but he told Kane that if he could, he should let Chad in on the plan.

"You son of a bitch!" Kane pulled his arm back and threw a punch into the middle of Chad's stomach. From where Jared was hiding, he could see that Kane pulled the blow and whispered something to Chad when he curled over trying to protect his midsection. It only took a matter of seconds, and Jared prayed that it looked natural to anyone else.

"What?" Chad gasped, looking up at Kane's face in confusion. "Hey wait, I know you!"

Jared's stomach jumped again, and he wished that he'd taken the time to puke before he'd set his plan in motion; his stomach rolled with fear and pain. It was taking too much time, who knew what was going on inside to Jensen. He could be hurt, or scared, or angry, and Jared ached to put his arms around him and whisper apologies into his skin until he could maybe forgive himself. There was no doubt that this was all his fault. He let Sandy poison his mind and he fell for it.

"Hey, what are you two losers doing?" one of the bouncers asked, sauntering over and casually stroking his hand over the gun he had tucked into his belt. The other bouncer followed along, grin hanging off his face. "Beat it, before I beat your heads in."

"You're Chris Kane," Chad yelled, starting to look a little angrier than simply confused, and Jared really hoped that Chad would forgive him. The bouncers were almost close enough to reach out and grab when Chad checked over his shoulder. "You don't even have a sister!"

Kane and Chad turned at the same time and started pummeling the bouncers. Not expecting trouble, the guards were taken by surprise and quickly went down underneath their fists. Jared quickly broke from his hiding place and jogged quickly to where the two were apparently enjoying themselves way too much if their whooping laughter was any indication.

"Yeah, but if I had a sister, you'd want to fuck her," Kane replied to Chad's earlier statement and grinned, rubbing his knuckles over his forehead to wipe away the sweat that had built up. His lip was split across the bottom from a lucky hit one of the guards had landed, and he spit blood and kicked the body closest to him before he backed away.

"Not unless she was adopted, you sorry looking bastard!" Chad replied, slipping his hand out of the brass knuckles that Kane had slipped him earlier in their fake fight. He turned to Jared, "Man, you two really know how to have a good time!"

Jared clapped Chad on the shoulder and shook his head. "Honest to God, you are the strangest person I have ever met," he said and ran his hand over the back of Chad's head to ruffle his hair. He shared their elation and for the first time really believed that he was going to be able to pull off the rescue, "And at this moment, I love you."

"That better be dearly and not queerly, you giant homo, you're not my type," Chad grinned and stepped on one of the guards while trying to back peddle away from Jared. Kane cuffed him across the back of his head, and he scowled rubbing where he'd been thumped. "Okay, maybe you're my type, but I'd need a few beers in me first. Like a hundred."

"So, you're talking about a normal night for you then," Kane said, and then turned to Jared and jerked his around so he could get in Jared's backpack. He pulled the tape out of the large pocket and tossed it at Chad before he reached into his hip pocket for his phone, "I'll make the call; you go on and find him. We'll make sure nobody gets at you from behind."

"Thanks man," Jared said, walking backwards as he watched Chad truss up both bouncers as if he were a champion calf roper. He worried about both of them too, but he had to go after Jensen. "Both of you. I don't know how I'll ever pay you'll back."

Chad looked up and tore off an especially long strip of tape before he winked, "Just make sure and invite me the next time you two decide to throw a party!"

 

****

 

Inside, it was just like Jared remembered. The empty hallways echoed with his footsteps, but the evidence of hundreds of people stomping through was clear in the scuffed floors and opened doorways. Jared just prayed that there wouldn't be more security patrolling from the inside because they'd be able to hear his thundering heartbeat from twenty feet away. He quickly followed the path he'd been swept up on the first night, though it seemed to take an eternity to make it from the front to the doors outside the fighting pit.

Jared hiked his bag higher on his shoulder, feeling every bit as foolish as anyone had ever called him and pushed open one side of the big double doors. The lights were on low, it was nearly pitch black at the top of the room, but that only made it easier to see the double handful of people milling around in the puddle of light at the bottom. It was quiet enough that he could easily hear both the soft murmurs of their conversation and the disgusting sound of flesh pounding on flesh.

Immediately, Jared took off down the steps, any small thought of having a plan of attack flew out of his head in favor of the repeating mantra, _Gotta save Jensen_. It was when he reached the middle section that all the floodlights in the room turned up all the way and blinded him. He tripped in the sudden flare and rough hands reached out for him as he realized that he was surrounded by a dozen of the scummiest looking gangsters that he'd ever seen.

Welling stood just behind them with a superior smirk coloring his face wearing a suit that probably cost more than twice as much as Jared's best suit. "Mr. Padalecki," he said smirking and gestured for two of the closest men to strip Jared of both his bag and his jacket. He picked through the bag with a sneer and then tossed it down to the bottom level to be lost in shadows. "It's good to see you again. I was really hoping that you'd join us in time to see dear Jensen's final fight."

"No!" Jared yelled, and before anyone could think to restrain him swung wildly at Welling's face. He connected his fist to Welling's jaw in a solid smack, but pulled his fist back against his chest with a gasp. That had fucking hurt, and he didn't know why Kane and Chad had enjoyed their fight so much if it always sucked that bad to punch somebody.

For his part, Welling barely staggered and looked vaguely amused instead of in as much pain as Jared was. He lifted one hand to delicately prod his small split lip and looked up over at where Jared had finally been restrained. "You've got a little bit of fire in you, boy," he said and gestured again for the men to spin Jared around so that he could see the pit and finally get his first look at Jensen. "It's not going to save either you or Jensen, but it will make it a little more entertaining for me at least."

Jensen was definitely fighting for his life against a man who was not only bigger but also looked faster. Jared remembered that Kane said that Jensen had been drinking and briefly closed his eyes in despair. It looked like they had already been fighting for a while; Jensen was dragging himself from one side of the pit to the other, barely managing to stay out of his opponents range while he got a hit or two of his own in. Even Jared could see that he was only barely staving off the inevitable.

"Jensen!" he yelled before he could think better of it, and Jensen looked up startled at the sound of his voice in the otherwise silent room. The distraction allowed the other fighter to land a combination of brutal hits and kicks to his body. Jared whimpered, watching the beating, and sagged between the two men holding him. He barely heard two familiar peals of laughter.

"Well, that was amusing," Mike yelled up from his ringside spot, gaining Jared's attention. He sipped at an electric orange drink and rocked back on his heels, "Are you going to yell for your little whore again? Or are you going to let this slaughter continue to go slow? Cause, I've gotta tell you, I'd enjoy either option."

Sandy had her arms around Mike and reached up to pull his face down for a kiss. Jared regained his equilibrium and struggled wildly against the arms holding him but only received a hard blow to the head for his troubles. One of the other girls stepped up next to Sandy and waved to get his attention. It was the woman he'd seen come onto Jensen at the deli, and he finally realized the extent of just how much he'd been played.

Welling jerked his head, and the entire contingent made their way down the stairs. Jared tripped repeatedly, and twisted his ankle between the unloving hands of the goons. He could see that Sandy and Mike's smiles just grew larger as he came nearer. His heart broke that it had come to this. He and Jensen were probably going to die, and nothing that he did would make a bit of difference to anyone in the entire world.

"Aren't you going to say hello to Danneel?" Sandy said as soon as they came to a stop in front of her and Mike. She licked her lips like a cat cleaned its whiskers, and just as smugly. "Honestly, I thought it'd take her more than one lunch date to get between you and your sex doll. Good thing you're such a jealous little bitch."

His stomach bottomed out at her words, and he looked back at Welling connecting the dots in his head. Everything that had happened to him since he saved Jensen had been because of Mike, Sandy, and Welling. They'd done it all, and it had all led to this moment.

"In case you're just figuring it out, I was the hidden power behind Mike's slur campaign," Welling said, dropping his voice low into a false whisper that everyone could hear. "And what a thing of beauty it was too. We could have kept fucking with you for months and made sure you didn't get anything except male enhancement commercials."

Mike stepped away from Sandy and leaned in close to whisper into Jared's ear, "Of course, you know that I'm not real good with waiting. It was fun for a while, but then I got bored. I was the one who drugged your drink and tried to run you down outside that dive. You really would have saved us a lot of trouble if you'd just laid down and died."

"Why?" Jared pleaded his eyes straying back to Jensen who had his arms up trying to protect his head from the vicious blows of his opponent. He'd never done anything to Welling, and he was pretty sure that in the shit column, Mike and Sandy were heads and shoulders above him. This should never have happened.

"Because it was fun," Welling answered with a careless shrug, and stepped up right into Jared's face before he drew back and punched Jared in the stomach hard enough that he was left trying to suck air into his uncooperative lungs. "Besides, Mike and I go way back. You screw with him; you screw with me. So we screwed you."

"But why Jensen?" Jared asked, shaking as Jensen got slower and clumsier trying to dodge his opponent's blows. Jared could hear the harsh panting of his breath, and the scuffle of his shoes over the concrete floor.

"Did you really think that a loser like you could walk into my office, and leave with something that's mine? Honestly, I thought you'd rip each other to shreds," Welling straightened and backed away, smirk firmly in place over his features as he continued, "Maybe you did and neither of you realized it. Of course neither you or your boy toy is walking out of here alive, so I guess the fun's over."

"Fuck you!" Jared turned to Welling and growled in a voice that he didn't recognize. He didn't even care that this was probably the end for him, he could say that he'd found what he'd always wanted in life, and that was good enough for him. It wasn't good enough for Jensen though, "I swear to god, if Jensen dies, I will make every single one of you suffer."

As far as threats went, it wasn't very impressive. They all laughed, and Welling reached into his jacket to pull out a slim silver handgun. He reached out his arm and pushed the muzzle against Jared's forehead. "I'd hate for you to go first," he said and glanced down at the fight. "Watch. Jensen's last breath with be the last thing you see."

Jared tried to struggle against the cold metal but the hands holding his arms weren't budging. Sandy giggled and petted down Mike's shoulder as they turned to watch the conclusion of the fight. Jensen struggled visibly and went down to one knee, blood streaming from cuts on his face and down his shoulders. He looked up at the crowd, but Jared knew that Jensen was only looking for him.

That second might have stretched for an eternity, but finally, Jared had to close his eyes. He didn't want to see the next blow that landed. If he was going to die, then he was going to remember the way Jensen looked that first day when he stepped out into the sunlight. He was going to remember the sensation of skin sliding against skin, and the feeling of being in love.

Welling's gun slipped from his forehead, "What the hell?"

Immediately, he jerked his eyes open and looked down. The other fighter was crumpled in a heap against the side wall, and Jensen stood alone in the center of the pit. He waited until he saw that Jared was looking, then smirked and raised his hand, flipping Welling and the others off with a flick of his fingers.

"Hm," Welling said, his eyebrows furrowed low until he shrugged and slipped his grin back on, "well, there's more than one way to skin a cat." He pointed the gun down at Jensen, his finger already pulling the trigger back, "Go head, and say goodbye."

That was when a small army of police burst through the doors at the top platform. They were all dressed in riot gear and fanned out at once to cover all the exits. Their boots covered the sound of instant panic and attempted flight of Welling and his groupies. Jared was happy to see that they didn't take any time forcing the thugs down to their knees.

He was even happier to see that following closely behind them was none other than Jeffrey Dean Morgan.

 

****

 

With the extra distraction of the police and Welling's guards fighting, Jensen managed to clamber up the ladder and limp to Jared's side without being stopped. Welling, trying to talk his way out of handcuffs didn't notice him until Jensen jerked him around.

"Welling?" Jensen said, his voice clear and strong as if he hadn't nearly died just a few minutes ago. "I quit, you son of a bitch." He pulled back and laid a right cross into Welling's jaw, and sent Welling crashing back into the two officers behind him.

Jensen staggered back and Jared reached out to steady him. He hooked his chin over Jensen's shoulder and watched as Welling was hauled into the line between a crying Mike and Sandy. He tightened his grip and leaned slightly. "You've got to teach me how to do that," he said.

"Yeah, I'll put it on my to-do list," Jensen answered and turned so he could look at Jared. "I didn't have sex with her. She told me that she needed some help with her car, and Chris had been showing me. I wouldn't ever have slept with her."

"I know, I know that now," Jared said, anguish just beginning to clutch at his chest over how close he came to losing Jensen even before he'd been kidnapped. "I'm so sorry, Jen. I'm sorry that I didn't trust you."

The smell of blood and sweat was so strong, but Jensen's smile under the grime was beautiful. He opened his mouth to say something but Jeff and an EMS officer barreled in between them. Reluctantly, Jared let go of Jensen and nodded to let Jensen know it was okay. The second that Jensen relaxed another paramedic descended with a blanket and led him over to a bench while Jeff pulled Jared in the other direction.

"Jesus kid, you could have trusted us with this earlier!" Jeff ranted, manhandling Jared around to check for injuries. He swept his hands up and down Jared's torso until his just brushed his fingers over the cut on Jared's cheek. "You're just goddamn lucky that we got here in time. Sam's ready to kill you over that message that idiot left on our machine, worried half out of her mind…"

Jared tore his gaze from Jensen and looked back at Jeff who was still talking. For the first time, Jared realized that it didn't matter what anyone else was thinking or would say about him. Jeff was his friend, and one way or another the media was going to get a kick out of what had happened, but he didn't even care. He broke into a wide grin and could tell by the scowl on Jeff's face the moment he realized that Jared wasn't paying a lick of attention.

"Fine, I'll go stall the police chief so you can go get your grand declarations of love out of the way, but they'll want to talk to you before you leave," Jeff said gruffly and waved him off so he could turn back to the barely waiting police officers.

Jared briefly clasped Jeff on the shoulder and quickly walked over to where Jensen was sitting letting the paramedics treat his cuts. Most the blood was gone and instead, the smell of antiseptic filled Jared's nose. Jensen looked small huddled in a blanket between the looming officers, and Jared finally felt that moment. It was the moment when he knew beyond a shadow of doubt that he was exactly where he was meant to be.

The paramedics backed away when he got closer and he knelt between Jensen's legs. Carefully, he settled his hands over Jensen's thighs and smiled up through his bangs. "Hey, I know that I don't deserve it," he started forcing the words past his numb lips, "but if you give me another chance, I promise that I'll do my best to make you happy."

"You said I could go, that you wouldn't try to stop me," he said, coughing a little and putting a hand to his ribs to steady his breathing. He struggled to his feet and let the blanket fall to the ground behind him as he urged Jared up to his feet.

"I lied," Jared answered softly, and quickly closed the distance between them. Ignoring the blood congealing on Jensen's clothes, he carefully gathered Jensen in his arms to hug him as tight as he could without doing any extra damage. "I lied; I'll never let you go."

"You liar," Jensen teased weakly, closing his eyes and resting his head on Jared's shoulder. It was obvious that the only things keeping him on his feet were Jared's arms and his own sense of stubborn will. "Let's go home."

"Yeah," Jared said thickly, swallowing fast and trying not to break down in tears, even if they both surely deserved the chance to take comfort in it. He looked around and saw that Jeff was waving them up from the top of the stairs, "Yeah, baby, let's go."

Jensen snorted and started to shake. Alarmed, Jared backed away, worried that he'd hurt Jensen somehow accidentally, but then saw that it was Jensen's shoulders shaking with barely restrained laughter. "What?" he asked concerned that Jensen had snapped or something. It wouldn't even matter though, if all Jensen ever did was mumble to himself and eat applesauce, Jared would be there loving him.

"You're such a girl," Jensen said, though he rolled his eyes happily and pulled Jared back in to press a quick kiss to Jared's cheek. "And don't call me 'baby' in public. I'd hate to have to beat you to death when we're just starting to get along."

They turned toward the exit and took two small fumbling steps before Jensen stopped. "Wait," he said and pulled back slightly from Jared's body. "There's one last thing I've got to do." He reached up with shaking fingers and undid the buckle of his collar, letting the leather slide away from his neck. He held it for a long minute, looking at it before he let it drop from his fingers.

It slapped hollowly on the concrete, and neither one of them looked back again.

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: The title comes from the movie Fight Club. The idea came in part from Unleashed, a very excellent Jet Li and Morgan Freeman movie, as well as just about every other underground fighting ring movie, few of which I have watched. Honestly, I came up with about three different ideas that would get Jensen into a collar, and this was the one that worked out. Yes, I am that shallow.
> 
> Nothing personal against Sandy, I just needed a villain.
> 
> Thanks: I appreciate my entire flist for listening (and mostly ignoring) me whine about this. Really, it takes a village to raise a child and it takes a flist to make a big bang fic. There are several really wonderful niches in this fandom, so here's to y'all. Thank you for not being of the bad!crazy.
> 
> [info]moonmip read over the the first fifteenish pages and encouraged me that it didn't suck hard so I could continue writing. // The SFE eps gave me a great idea to help work out my flagging wordcount and turned Chad Michael Murry from a dick with one line to a douche with a heart of gold and plot love. // [info]gwyntastic for helping me finish my playlist. ; ) // the [info]johnbangsrodney gals. I know wrong fandom, but I really enjoyed getting to know y'all in big bang craziness!
> 
> My artist, [info]sazzy_angel for the lovely art and for working with me even when I went a little insane. : ) She really went above and beyond in the last hour and did a vid as well as banners. I was very lucky, and it's amazing to see your fic set out in images and video like that. I really appreciate all the work you put into it hun!
> 
> Finally, and most importantly [info]out_0f_habit for the beta and saving the life of this fic. She asked all the questions that I was too deep into the story to ask and made my story so whole lot better. Before she got back with me, I was at the end of my rope and completely planning to hide from the internet for the rest of my life. All mistakes are mine, because I tinkered a lot.


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